Revising a Draft for Sentence Effectiveness

Background

For three years, you have been employed as a work-study student in your university’s advising office. The office wishes to distribute a new pamphlet to incoming students describing the services it provides. A new work-study student, Kim Vavrick, has written the following brief introduction to advising.

Your Assignment

You have been asked to help her with it. Write her a memo evaluating the writing in her draft according to the material presented in this chapter. (See Chapter 9 for a discussion of memos.)

Academic advising is counseling by a university representative, usually a faculty member, to assist the student achieve their goals for their education.

The counseling’s character, and the relationship that exists between the adviser and the student, change as the student’s career in the academic setting progresses.

In the student’s freshman and sophomore years, academic advising assists the student to identify, comprehend, and finalizing the sequence of university core requirements; that is, common classes such as English composition and basic science courses. It is also the case that academic advising may also serve to help the student clarify his academic strengths and interests in order to establish a major.

During these first two years, the interpersonal relationship between the student and the adviser are usually general and impersonal. The academic advisor may very well be someone with whom the student has little or no contact beyond obtaining a signature as a formality on paperwork. Similarly, the student may well never be enrolled in a course taught by the adviser, or otherwise become involved in the adviser’s activities or academic interests.

This rarely succeeds in giving the student the optimal possible guidance for progressing in their academic career, however it is very economical and usually suitable. Faculty time and resources are expensive, limited commodities. Except in small, private institutions, there is rarely a large enough faculty to provide close and individual attention to each student who needs it. Student attrition rates are high in these first two years, many students flunk out of school before they have an opportunity to benefit from detailed, personal advice. Even among those who stay there is a high percentage of changes in academic majors. The emphasis on ensuring students understand and complete the core requirements ultimately ensures that those who do remain as students are able to progress along their degree path in a relatively smooth fashion.

In the student’s junior and senior years, there is a shift in the emphasis. The goal of academic advising now is more to assist the student finish fulfilling their individual educational needs, and less to help the student meet the needs of the university. Academic advising helps the student make the best choices of the remaining options and requirements.

The relationship between the student and the adviser is closer in the last two years as well. The adviser is more personally acquainted with the student; he (or she) has seen the student periodically over a substantial period of time, and may even have instructed the student in one or more classes. The adviser is also more familiar with the major department, the courses it offers, and the colleagues who teach them, and can offer the student personal recommendations regarding many important and critical issues. Owing to the fact that the student is pursuing academic interests related to the adviser’s, there is likely to be more interaction between them in academic projects and programs.

Academic advising also helps the student look beyond their undergraduate years. As the student comes close to concluding a degree program, they may be considering the possibility of entering a professional career, for example, or at extending their education in a graduate program. Academic advising serves to assist students again in making the educational choices, which will be most productive in meeting those goals.