Chapter 4. How Strong is Your Relationship, and How Might You Increase Its Strength?

Intro

How Strong is Your Relationship, and How Might You Increase Its Strength?
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Play this brief video introduction from one of your authors, David Myers.

Test Yourself

Thinking about your current romantic relationship, or a past relationship (or if necessary, a close friend or family member’s marriage), would you agree or disagree that most of the time:

Question 4.1

1. We feel very close to each other.

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2. I am very satisfied with how we talk to each other.

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3. When we discuss problems, my partner understands my opinions and ideas.

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4. I can express my true feelings to my partner.

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5. We compromise when problems arise.

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6. Our togetherness is a top priority for me.

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7. Even during disagreements, I can share my feelings and ideas with my partner.

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8. I am satisfied with the amount of affection my partner gives.

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9. We find it easy to think of things to do together.

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10. My partner is reliable and follows through on most things.

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{true} setModel("q2", qqMC2 )
{true} setModel("q3", qqMC3 )
{true} setModel("q4", qqMC4)
{true} setModel("q5", qqMC5)
{true} setModel("q6", qqMC6)
{true} setModel("q7", qqMC7)
{true} setModel("q8", qqMC8)
{true} setModel("q9", qqMC9)
{true} setModel("q10", qqMC10)

Olson, Olson-Sigg, & Larson: The Couple Checkup: Find Your Relationship Strengths (2008)

Your Score

A national survey of 50,379 married couples—reported in The Couple Checkup, by David Olson, Amy Olson-Sigg, and Peter Larson—found that the following 10 strengths most typified happy couples.

Your responses are highlighted below. How does your relationship compare? Keep in mind that even good relationships may struggle in some areas.

Daxiao Productions/Shutterstock

1. Closeness: “We feel very close to each other.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q1 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q1 == 1

93% of happy couples (and 29% of unhappy couples) agreed.

2. Communication: “I am very satisfied with how we talk to each other.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q2 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q2 == 1

95% of happy couples (and 15% of unhappy couples) agreed.

3. Conflict: “When we discuss problems, my partner understands my opinions and ideas.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q3 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q3 == 1

78% of happy couples (and 20% of unhappy couples) agreed.

4. Communication: “I can express my true feelings to my partner.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q4 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q4 == 1

96% of happy couples (and 30% of unhappy couples) agreed. (“Communication” was the best predictor of couple happiness.)

5. Flexibility: “We compromise when problems arise.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q5 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q5 == 1

83% of happy couples (and 28% of unhappy couples) agreed.

6. Closeness: “Our togetherness is a top priority for me.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q6 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q6 == 1

83% of happy couples (and 30% of unhappy couples) agreed.

7. Conflict: “Even during disagreements, I can share my feelings and ideas with my partner.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q7 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q7 == 1

78% of happy couples (and 25% of unhappy couples) agreed.

8. Sexuality: “I am satisfied with the amount of affection my partner gives.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q8 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q8 == 1

68% of happy couples (and 17% of unhappy couples) agreed.

9. Closeness: “We find it easy to think of things to do together.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q9 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q9 == 1

81% of happy couples (and 30% of unhappy couples) agreed.

10. Personality: “My partner is reliable and follows through on most things.”

  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q10 == 0
  • Agree
  • Disagree
model.q10 == 1

75% of happy couples (and 16% of unhappy couples) agreed.

Build This Strength

To achieve greater happiness in a current or future romantic relationship:

wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock

1. Act as happy couples act. For example, the single best predictor of happiness in the research mentioned was satisfying, open communication (Olson, Olson-Sigg, & Larson, 2008). This suggests the benefits of setting aside time each day for sharing the day’s high and low points, for expressing interest in each others’ concerns and joys, and for resolving any issues.

2. Ask your partner to independently respond to these ten relationship assessment statements. Note and discuss your points of agreement, where you see the relationship differently, and how you might improve in those areas.

3. Work to achieve equity. When partners share the perception that each is contributing equally to the relationship and to life's tasks, the chances are 4 in 5 that they will be a happy couple. Those who see their relationship as unequal tend to be more unhappy.

Olson, D., Olson-Sigg, A., & Larson, P. J. (2008). The couple checkup: Find your relationship strengths. Thomas Nelson Inc.

QUIZ

Are you ready for the Quiz? Demonstrate and reinforce your understanding by answering the following questions.

Question

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Correct answers
1. b. surveying thousands of married couples.
2. c. communication.
3. a. Financial consensus