Chapter 9. How Strong is Your Need to Belong, and How Can You Strengthen Your Feelings of Belonging?

Intro

How Strong is Your Need to Belong, and How Can You Strengthen Your Feelings of Belonging?
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Play this brief video introduction from one of your authors, David Myers.

Test Yourself

For each of the statements below, indicate how much you agree or disagree.

Question 9.1

1. If other people don't seem to accept me, I don't let it bother me.

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2. I try hard not to do things that will make other people avoid or reject me.

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3. I seldom worry about whether other people care about me.

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4. I need to feel that there are people I can turn to in times of need.

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5. I want other people to accept me.

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6. I do not like being alone.

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7. Being apart from my friends for long periods of time does not bother me.

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8. I have a strong need to belong.

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9. It bothers me a great deal when I am not included in other people's plans.

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10. My feelings are easily hurt when I feel that others do not accept me.

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{true} setModel("q1", qqMC1 )
{true} setModel("q2", qqMC2 )
{true} setModel("q3", qqMC3 )
{true} setModel("q4", qqMC4)
{true} setModel("q5", qqMC5)
{true} setModel("q6", qqMC6)
{true} setModel("q7", qqMC7)
{true} setModel("q8", qqMC8)
{true} setModel("q9", qqMC9)
{true} setModel("q10", qqMC10)
{true} setModel("total", 5-qqMC1 + qqMC2+1 + 5-qqMC3 + qqMC4+1 + qqMC5+1 + qqMC6+1 + 5-qqMC7 + qqMC8+1 + qqMC9+1 + qqMC10+1)

Researcher Mark Leary and his colleagues (2013) created this scale to assess people’s “Need to Belong."

Your Score

three friends woman in urban contest

Eugenio Marongiu/Shutterstock

YOUR SCORE:{model.total}(range of 10 to 50; average score is 33)

Scores may range from 10 (low need to belong) to 50 (high need to belong). In a study of fourteen university samples, the average student’s score was 33, and about two-thirds scored between 26 and 40. How did your assessed need to belong compare to this average?

Build This Strength

Although people differ in their desire for acceptance and their need for belonging, those who score high in the need to belong often do well in social settings. Researcher Mark Leary and his colleagues report that in groups they tend to cooperate. They are sensitive to social cues. And they interpret situations in ways that maintain friendships and other connections, such as by not catastrophizing (believing things are worse than they are).

How can we build our sense of belonging, so that we can better meet this need? It helps to make an active effort.

Two Businesspeople Meeting For Lunch In Coffee Shop

Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

1. Take initiative to reach out to others—start conversations, and attend events or community or religious gatherings that you might enjoy. Assume that others also need relationships.

2. When meeting others, you can look for similarities. Ask questions (most people love to tell their story). Share your story. Be alert for points of connection and shared interest.

3. Accept others the way they are. Adopt an attitude of grace rather than judgment. Instead of finding fault with others, take note of their virtues and strengths.

4. When things don’t go well, don’t needlessly blame yourself or wallow in self-pity, thinking, “I am a failure. There’s nothing I can do about it.” Persist, mindful that connections will form only with some people.

Leary, M. R., Kelly, K. M., Cottrell, C. A., & Schreindorfer, L. S. (2013). Construct validity of the need to belong scale: Mapping the nomological network. Journal of Personality Assessment, 95(6), 610–624.

QUIZ

Are you ready for the Quiz? Demonstrate and reinforce your understanding by answering the following questions.

Question

three friends woman in urban contest

Eugenio Marongiu/Shutterstock

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Correct answers
1. True
2. False
3. c. Judge others carefully.