A Student’s Essay, from Rough Notes to Final Version

While we were revising this textbook, we asked the students in one of our classes to write a short essay (500–750 words) on some ethical problem that concerned them. Because this assignment was the first writing assignment in the course, we explained that a good way to generate ideas is to ask oneself some questions, write down responses, question those responses, and write freely for ten minutes or so, not worrying about contradictions. We invited our students to hand in their initial notes along with the finished essay, so that we could get a sense of how they proceeded as writers. Not all of them chose to hand in their notes, but we were greatly encouraged by those who did. What encouraged us was the confirmation of an old belief — we call it a fact — that students will hand in a thoughtful essay if before preparing a final version they ask themselves why they think this or that, write down their responses, and are not afraid to change their minds as they proceed.

Here are the first notes of a student, Emily Andrews, who elected to write about whether to give money to street beggars. She simply put down ideas, one after the other.

Help the poor? Why do I (sometimes) do it?

I feel guilty, and think I should help them: poor, cold, hungry (but also some of them are thirsty for liquor, and will spend the money on liquor, not on food).

I also feel annoyed by them — most of them.

Where does the expression “the deserving poor” come from?

And “poor but honest”? Actually, that sounds odd. Wouldn’t “rich but honest” make more sense?

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Why don’t they work? Fellow with red beard, always by bus stop in front of florist’s shop, always wants a handout. He is a regular, there all day every day, so I guess he is in a way “reliable,” so why doesn’t he put the same time in on a job?

Or why don’t they get help? Don’t they know they need it? They must know they need it.

Maybe that guy with the beard is just a con artist. Maybe he makes more money by panhandling than he would by working, and it’s a lot easier!

Kinds of poor — how to classify??

drunks, druggies, etc.

mentally ill (maybe drunks belong here, too)

decent people who have had terrible luck

Why private charity?

Doesn’t it make sense to say we (fortunate individuals) should give something — an occasional handout — to people who have had terrible luck? (I suppose some people might say there’s no need for any of us to give anything — the government takes care of the truly needy — but I do believe in giving charity. A month ago a friend of the family passed away, and the woman’s children suggested that people might want to make a donation in her name to a shelter for battered women. I know my parents made a donation.)

BUT how can I tell who is who, which are which? Which of these people asking for “spare change” really need (deserve???) help, and which are phonies? Impossible to tell.

Possibilities:

Give to no one.

Give to no one but make an annual donation, maybe to United Way.

Give a dollar to each person who asks. This would probably not cost me even a dollar a day.

Occasionally do without something — maybe a CD or a meal in a restaurant — and give the money I save to people who seem worthy.

WORTHY? What am I saying? How can I, or anyone, tell? The neat-looking guy who says he just lost his job may be a phony, and the dirty bum — probably a drunk — may desperately need food. (OK, so what if he spends the money on liquor instead of food? At least he’ll get a little pleasure in life. No! It’s not all right if he spends it on drink.)

Other possibilities:

Do some volunteer work?

To tell the truth, I don’t want to put in the time. I don’t feel that guilty.

So what’s the problem?

Is it, How I can help the very poor (handouts, or through an organization)? or

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How I can feel less guilty about being lucky enough to be able to go to college and to have a supportive family?

I can’t quite bring myself to believe I should help every beggar who approaches, but I also can’t bring myself to believe that I should do nothing, on the grounds that:

  1. it’s probably their fault

  2. if they are deserving, they can get gov’t help. No, I just can’t believe that. Maybe some are too proud to look for government help, or don’t know that they’re entitled to it.

What to do?

On balance, it seems best to:

  1. give to United Way

  2. maybe also give to an occasional individual, if I happen to be moved, without worrying about whether he or she is “deserving” (since it’s probably impossible to know)

A day after making these notes Emily reviewed them, added a few points, and then made a very brief selection from them to serve as an outline for her first draft:

Opening para.: “poor but honest”? Deserve “spare change”?

Charity: private or through organizations?

pros and cons

guy at bus

it wouldn’t cost me much, but . . . better to give through organizations

Concluding para.: still feel guilty?

maybe mention guy at bus again?

After writing and revising a draft, Emily submitted her essay to a fellow student for peer review. She then revised her work in light of the peer’s suggestions and her own further thinking.

On the next page we give the final essay. If after reading the final version you reread Emily’s early notes, you’ll notice that some of her notes never made it into the final version. But without the notes, the essay probably wouldn’t have been as interesting as it is. When Emily made the notes, she wasn’t so much putting down her ideas as finding ideas through the process of writing.

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