For more on revising and editing strategies, see Ch. 23.
As you read over the draft of your paper, remember what you wanted to accomplish: to develop an enlightening position about your topic and to share this position with a college audience, using sources to support your ideas.
Strengthen Your Thesis. As you begin revising, you may decide that your working thesis is ambiguous, poorly worded, hard to support, or simply off the mark. Revise it so that it clearly alerts readers to your main idea.
| WORKING THESIS | Although most workers would like longer vacations, many employers do not believe that they would benefit, too. |
| REVISED THESIS | Despite assumptions to the contrary, employers who increase vacation time for workers also are likely to increase creativity, productivity, and the bottom line. |
See D6 in the Quick Research Guide for more about launching sources.
Launch Each Source. Whenever you quote, paraphrase, summarize, or refer to a source, launch it with a suitable introduction. An effective launch sets the scene for your source material, prepares your reader to accept it, and marks the transition from your words and ideas to those of the source. As you revise, confirm that you launch all of your source material well.
In a launch statement, often you will first identify the source — by the author’s last name or by a short version of the title when the author isn’t named — in your introductory sentence. If not, identify the source in parentheses, typically to end the sentence. Then try to suggest why you’ve mentioned this source at this point, perhaps noting its contribution, its credibility, its vantage point, or its relationship to other sources. Vary your launch statements to avoid tedium and to add emphasis. Boost your credibility as a writer by establishing the credibility of your sources.
Here are some typical patterns for launch statements:
As Yung demonstrates, …
Although Zeffir maintains …, Matson suggests …
Many schools educated the young but also unified the community (Hill 22). …
In Forward March, Smith’s study of the children of military personnel, …
These examples follow MLA style. See D6 and E in the Quick Research Guide for more about how to capture, launch, and cite sources in your text using either MLA or APA style.
Another common recommendation is … (“Safety Manual”).
Making good use of her experience as a travel consultant, Lee explains …
When you quote or paraphrase from a specific page (or other location, such as a paragraph numbered on a Web page), include that exact location.
The classic definition of … (Bagette 18) is updated to … (Zoe par. 4).
Benton distinguishes four typical steps in this process (248–51).
Synthesize Several Sources. Often you will compare, contrast, or relate two or three sources to deepen your discussion or to illustrate a range of views. When you synthesize, you pull together several sources in the same passage to build a new interpretation or reach a new conclusion. You go beyond the separate contributions of the individual sources to relate the sources to each other and to connect them to your thesis. A synthesis should be easy to follow and use your own wording.
HOW TO SYNTHESIZE
Use Your Own Voice to Interpret and Connect. By the time your draft is finished, you may feel that you have found relevant evidence in your sources but that they now dominate your draft. As you reread, you may discover passages that simply string together ideas from sources.
DRAFT
Whole passage repeats “says”
Repeats sentence pattern opening with author
Jumps from one source to the next without transitions
Easterbrook says in “In Search of the Cause of Autism: How about Television?” that television may injure children who are susceptible to autism. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that autism trails only mental retardation among disabilities that affect children’s development. The Kaiser Family Foundation study says that parents use television and other electronic entertainment “to help them manage their household and keep their kids entertained” (Rideout, Hamel, and Kaiser Family Foundation 4).
When your sources overshadow your thesis, your explanations, and your writing style, revise to restore balance. Try strategies such as these to regain control of your draft:
Thoughtful revision can help readers grasp what you want to say, why you have included each source, and how you think that it supports your thesis.
REVISION
Connects two sources
Adds transitions
Identifies author’s experience to add credibility
Defines issue and justifies concern
Two major studies take very different looks at the development of children in our society. First, a research study sponsored by the Kaiser Family Foundation examines how parents use television and other electronic options “to help them manage their household and keep their kids entertained” (Rideout, Hamel, and Kaiser Family Foundation 4). Next, based on statistics about how often major developmental disabilities occur in children, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that autism currently trails only mental retardation among disabilities that affect children’s development. Journalist and book author Gregg Easterbrook pulls together these two views, using the title of his article to raise his unusual question: “In Search of the Cause of Autism: How about Television?” He urges study of his speculation that television may injure children who are vulnerable to autism and joins an ongoing debate about what causes autism, a challenging disability that interferes with children’s ability to communicate and interact with other people.
List Your Sources as College Readers Expect. When you use sources in a college paper, you’ll be expected to identify them twice: briefly when you draw information from them and fully when you list them at the end of your paper, following a conventional system. The list of sources for the draft and revision in the previous section would include these entries.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Frequently Asked Questions—Prevalence.” Autism Information Center. CDC, 30 Jan. 2006. Web. 12 Sept. 2006.
Easterbrook, Gregg. “In Search of the Cause of Autism: How about Television?” Slate. Washington Post, 5 Sept. 2006. Web. 12 Sept. 2006.
Rideout, Victoria, Elizabeth Hamel, and Kaiser Family Foundation. The Media Family: Electronic Media in the Lives of Infants, Toddlers, Preschoolers and Their Parents. Menlo Park: Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, 2006. Kaiser Family Foundation. Web. 12 Sept. 2006.
For online Take Action help, visit bedfordstmartins.com/bedguide.
Use the Take Action chart to help you figure out how to improve your draft. Skim across the top to identify questions you might ask about integrating sources in your draft. When you answer a question with “Yes” or “Maybe,” move straight down the column to Locate Specifics under that question. Use the activities there to pinpoint gaps, problems, or weaknesses. Then move straight down the column to Take Action. Use the advice that suits your problem as you revise.
Have several classmates read your draft critically, considering how effectively you have used your sources to support a position. Ask your peer editors to answer questions such as these:
See general questions for a peer editor.
After you have revised your paper, edit and proofread it. Carefully check the grammar, word choice, punctuation, and mechanics — and then correct any problems you find. Be certain to check the punctuation with your quotations, making sure that each quotation mark is correctly placed and that you have used other punctuation, such as commas, correctly.
See the relevant checklist sections in the Quick Editing Guide for more help. See also to the Quick Format Guide.
| Do all the verbs agree with their subjects, especially when you switch from your words to those of a source? | A4 | ||
| Do all the pronouns agree with their antecedents, especially when you use your words with a quotation from a source? | A6 | ||
| Have you used commas correctly, especially where you integrate material from sources? | C1 | ||
| Have you punctuated all your quotations correctly? | C3 |