EXERCISE 22-2 Avoiding Jargon
Revise the following sentences to eliminate the jargon. If necessary, revise extensively. If you can’t tell what a sentence means, decide what it might mean, and rewrite it so that its meaning is clear. Example:
Everyone at Boondoggle and Gall puts in face time at the holiday gatherings to maximize networking opportunities.
This year, in excess of fifty employees were negatively impacted by Boondoggle and Gall’s decision to downsize effective September 1.
The layoffs made Jensen the sole point of responsibility for telephone interface in the customer-service department.
The numerical quotient of Jensen’s telephonic exchanges increased by a factor of three post-downsizing, yet Jensen received no additional fiscal remuneration.
Jensen was not on the same page with management re her compensation, so she exercised the option to terminate her relationship with Boondoggle and Gall.