Attachment: The Basic Life Bond

For much of the twentieth century, many psychologists in the United States—because they were behaviorists—minimized the mother–child bond. European psychoanalysts such as John Bowlby were finding, however, that attachment was a basic human need. Harlow’s studies with monkeys convinced U.S. developmentalists of the importance of attachment, and Bowlby transformed developmental science by arguing that having a loving primary attachment figure is biologically built in, and crucial to our development. Although threats to survival at any age evoke proximity-seeking behavior—especially during toddlerhood—being physically apart from an attachment figure elicits distress.

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According to Bowlby, life begins with a three-month-long preattachment phase, which is characterized by the first social smile. After an intermediate phase called attachment in the making, at about 7 months of age, the landmark phase of clear-cut attachment begins, signaled by separation anxiety and stranger anxiety. During this period spanning toddlerhood, children need their caregiver to be physically close, and they rely on social referencing to monitor their behavior. After age 3, children can tolerate separations, as they develop an internal working model of their caregiver—which they carry into life.

To explore individual differences in attachment, Mary Ainsworth devised the Strange Situation. Using this test, involving planned separations, and especially reunions, developmentalists label 1-year-olds as securely or insecurely attached. Securely attached 1-year-olds use their primary attachment figure as a secure base for exploration and are delighted when she returns. Avoidant infants seem indifferent. Anxious-ambivalent children are inconsolable and sometimes angry when their caregiver arrives. Children with a disorganized attachment react in an erratic way and often show fear when their parent reenters the room.

Caregiver–child interactions are characterized by a beautiful synchrony, or attachment dance. Although the caregiver’s responsiveness to the baby is a major determinant of attachment security at age 1, infant attachment is also affected by the temperament of the child and depends on the quality of a caregiver’s other relationships, too.

Cross-cultural studies support the idea that attachment to a primary caregiver is universal, with similar percentages of babies in various countries classified as securely attached. When they are distressed, babies run to the caregiver who spends the most time with them, but infants can be attached to several people, and having a secure attachment to only one caregiver may be all that children need for optimal mental health.

As Bowlby predicted in his working-model concept, securely attached babies have superior mental health. Infants with insecure attachments (especially disorganized attachments) are at risk for later problems. However, the good-news/bad-news finding is that, when the caregiving environment changes, attachment security can change for the better or worse. A gene related to oxytocin production may make us more or less responsive to the attachment environment. Babies exposed to the worst-case attachment situation, living in an orphanage with virtually no caregiving, experience a dose–response effect. Although the risk of having enduring problems sets in during the “attachment zone,” damage depends on the depth of the deprivation and the age when a child leaves that institution.

Early-childhood poverty—widespread in the United States—can have long-lasting effects on health, emotional development, and, particularly, school success. Again, this impact varies depending on the duration of the deprivation, the child’s genetics, and, interestingly, whether a poor preschooler lives in a rural or urban area. Although Head Start and Early Head Start, as well as other high-quality preschool experiences, make a difference for disadvantaged children, they can’t totally erase the impact of attending inadequate schools. Poverty-level parents can be excellent parents, and the quality of children’s home life matters most.

Going back to work in a baby’s first year of life is common, but due to day care’s expense and anxieties about leaving their baby with strangers, parents in the United States ideally prefer to keep infant care in the family. Paid child-care options include nannies (for affluent parents), family day care (where a person takes a small number of children in her home), and larger day-care centers.

The NICHD Study of Early Child Care showed that the best predictor of being securely attached at age 1 is having a sensitive parent, not the number of hours a child spends in day care. While high quality day care can compensate for a chaotic family life, unfortunately, children who spend many hours in day-care centers (versus family care) are at a slightly higher risk of having acting-out behaviors.

In choosing day care, search out loving teachers and a setting where caregivers can relate in a one-to-one way. Because day-care workers are so poorly paid in the United States and may not get respect, staff turnover is a serious problem. This issue, plus their large size, may explain why day-care centers can be problematic. Babies who are genetically environment-reactive may also be more vulnerable to low-quality day care.

Erikson’s autonomy captures the essence of toddlerhood, the landmark age when we shed babyhood, become able to observe the self, and enter the human world. Self-conscious emotions such as pride and shame emerge and are crucial to socialization, which begins in earnest at around age 2. Difficulties with focusing and obeying are normal during toddlerhood, but at this age, dramatic individual differences appear in children’s ability to control themselves. Temperamentally fearful children show earlier signs of “conscience,” following adult prohibitions when not being watched. Exuberant, active toddlers are especially hard to socialize.

As young babies, shy toddlers react with intense motor activity to stimuli. They are more inhibited in elementary school and adolescence and show neurological signs of social wariness as young adults. Still (with sensitive parenting), many shy toddlers and fearless explorers lose these extreme tendencies as they grow older.

To help an inhibited baby don’t overprotect the child. Socialize a fearless explorer by avoiding power assertion, offering consistent rules, and providing lots of love. While fostering secure attachments is essential in raising all children, another key is to promote goodness of fit—tailoring one’s parenting to a child’s temperamental needs. Genetically environment-sensitive children, although prone to break down in stressful situations, may blossom when the wider world is caring and calm.