170

In Chapter 5, you saw how the ability to control our behavior underpins every childhood cognitive advance. We need the same executive function skills to succeed socially and emotionally, too. When we get angry, we must cool down our feelings, rather than lash out. We have to overcome our anxieties and talk to that scary professor, or conquer our shyness and go to a party because we might meet that special person who will be the love of our life. Emotion regulation is the term developmentalists use for the skills involved in managing our feelings so that they don’t get in the way of a productive life.

Children with externalizing tendencies have special trouble with this challenge. Like Mark in the introductory chapter vignette, they act on their immediate emotions and often behave disruptively and aggressively. Perhaps you know a child who bursts into every scene, fighting, bossing people around, wreaking havoc with his classmates and adults.

Children with internalizing tendencies have the opposite problem. Like Jimmy, they hang back in social situations. They are timid and self-conscious, frightened and depressed.

The beauty of being human is that we vary in our temperamental tendencies—to be shy or active, boisterous or reserved. In collectivist cultures such as India, ones that traditionally put a premium on being self-effacing, shyness is not necessarily a social liability (Bowker & Raja, 2011). In our individualistic society, being aggressive can be a social plus (as you will see later). But having serious trouble controlling one’s aggression or anxiety puts children around the world at a disadvantage (Chen & French, 2008; Prakash & Coplan, 2007). Externalizing and internalizing tendencies—at their extremes—present universal barriers to succeeding with people and in life.

In Chapter 4, you learned about the temperaments that put toddlers at risk for having these emotion regulation issues—being highly exuberant or inhibited. Now, let’s look at what happens if these tendencies evolve to the point where they cause suffering during the childhood years.

Question 6.1

Paul has externalizing tendencies; Jeremy has internalizing tendencies; and issues with emotion regulation are problems for both boys.