6.1 Emotional Development

Children gradually become more capable in every aspect of their lives, including learning when and how to express emotions (Buckley & Saarni, 2009; Denham et al., 2003; Morrison et al., 2010). Controlling the expression of emotions, called emotional regulation, is the pre-eminent psychosocial accomplishment between ages 2 and 6 (Eisenberg et al., 2004).

Such regulation is very difficult in infancy, but when the emotional hot spots of the limbic system connect to the maturing prefrontal cortex, children become more aware of their reactions and better able to control them. Emotional regulation is a lifelong necessity and no one does it perfectly all the time.

Initiative Versus Guilt

During Erikson’s third developmental stage, initiative versus guilt, children acquire many skills and competencies. Initiative can mean several things, such as saying something new, extending an ability, or beginning a project. Depending on the outcome (especially reactions from other people), children feel proud or guilty.

Usually, North American parents encourage enthusiasm, effort, and pride in their 3- to 6-year-olds. When parents criticize and hinder children from exploring their environment, children may become dependent, lack initiative, and fail to learn emotional regulation (Morris et al., 2007).

Protective OptimismChildren’s beliefs about their worth are connected to parental confirmation, especially when parents remind their children of their positive accomplishments (“You helped Daddy sweep the sidewalk? You made it very clean.”) (Reese et al., 2007). Remember that Erikson described autonomy at age 2, often expressed as stubbornness, and nicknamed the terrible twos. By age 3, autonomy is better regulated, soon becoming initiative, as children are eager to learn new skills (Rubin et al., 2009).

Over the next several months, children develop a self-concept, which is the cognitive ability to understand that they are separate from others. For example, young children are given choices: “Water or juice?” “Blue pyjamas or red ones?” The act of choosing makes children believe they are independent agents (Kim & Chu, 2011). In North America, self-concept quickly includes gender and size. Girls are usually happy to be girls, and boys to be boys; both are glad they aren’t babies. “Crybaby” is an insult, while praise for being “a big kid” is welcomed.

A Young Poet This girl is the winner of a national poetry contest. How might that affect her self-concept?

ENIGMA/ALAMY

Erikson recognized that young children are not accurate in their assessment of themselves. They believe that they are strong, smart, and good-looking—and thus that any goal is achievable. Whatever they are (self-concept) is thought to be good. For instance, young children may believe that their school is the best and they feel sorry for children who go to a different school.

At this age, a positivity bias encourages children to try unfamiliar activities, make friends, begin school, and so on (Boseovski, 2010). They learn to pour juice, zip pants, or climb trees, undeterred by overflowing glasses, stuck zippers, or a perch too high. Faith in themselves helps them persist.

Brain MaturationThe new initiative that Erikson describes benefits from myelination of the limbic system, growth of the prefrontal cortex, and a longer attention span, all made possible by the neurological maturation described in Chapter 5. Emotional and cognitive maturation develop together, each enabling the other to advance (Bell & Calkins, 2012).

Normally, neurological advances in the prefrontal cortex at about age 4 or 5 make children less likely to throw a temper tantrum, engage in a physical attack, or burst into giggles (Kagan & Herschkowitz, 2005). Throughout early childhood, behaviours such as violent outbursts, uncontrolled crying, and terrifying phobias (irrational, crippling fears) diminish. The capacity for self-control—such as not opening a present immediately if asked to wait and not expressing disappointment at an undesirable gift—becomes more evident (Carlson, 2003; Grolnick et al., 2006).

Ukrainian Pride All ethnic groups celebrate and have pride in their culture. This 9-year-old girl from Lethbridge, Alberta, proudly wears the clothing of her Ukrainian heritage as she celebrates mass at Saint Volodymyr Ukrainian Catholic Church.

CP IMAGES/LETHBRIDGE HERALD - IAN MARTENS

In one study, researchers asked children to wait 8 minutes while their mothers did some paperwork before opening a wrapped present that was in front of them (Cole et al., 2011). The children used strategies such as distractions and private speech. Keisha was one of the study participants:

Motivation

Motivation (the impulse that propels someone to act) comes either from a person’s own desires or from the social context. Intrinsic motivation occurs when people do something for the joy of doing it: A musician might enjoy making music, even when no one else hears. Thinking back to your own childhood, did you have a hobby you loved, one that your parents didn’t have to force you to pursue? That’s another example of intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside the person, when people do something to gain praise (or some other reinforcement), such as a musician playing for applause or money.

Encouraging intrinsic motivation is crucial in teaching young children (Cheng & Yeh, 2009). Preschool children are often intrinsically motivated. They wake up eager to start playing and practising, whether or not someone else wants them to. Praise and prizes might be appreciated, but that’s not why children work at what they do. When playing a game, they might not keep score; the fun is in the activity (intrinsic), not the winning.

It is only when others impose an external reward, for example by making the game competitive with prizes and trophies to be won, that children who were initially intrinsically motivated become extrinsically motivated. With extrinsic motivation, children often lose their pure love for the game. Personal joy and interest are soon replaced by a desire for the rewards.

An Experiment in MotivationIn a classic experiment, preschool children were given markers and paper and assigned to one of three groups that received, respectively: (1) no award, (2) an expected award (they were told before they had drawn anything that they would get a certificate), and (3) an unexpected award (after they had drawn something, they were told, “You were a big help,” and got a certificate) (Lepper et al., 1973).

Later, observers noted how often children in each group chose to draw when they were no longer part of a group. Those who received the expected award were less likely to draw than those who were unexpectedly rewarded. The interpretation was that extrinsic motivation (condition 2) undercut intrinsic motivation.

This research triggered a flood of studies seeking to understand whether, when, and how positive reinforcement should be given. The consensus is that praising or paying a person after an accomplishment sometimes encourages that behaviour. However, if payment is promised in advance, that extrinsic reinforcement may backfire (Cameron & Pierce, 2002; Deci et al., 1999; Gottfried et al., 2009).

Praise is effective if connected to the particular production, not to a general trait (“you did a good drawing,” not “you are a great artist”), because then the child believes that effort paid off, which motivates a repeat performance (Zentall & Morris, 2010).

Culture and Emotional Control

Same Situation, Far Apart: Overwhelming Emotions The days of early childhood are filled with terrors and tantrums because children have not yet learned how to use their words and logic to control their world. The result is futile protest: The North American mother (top) is not about to give her daughter what she wants, and this Japanese big brother (age 4, bottom) watches his sister’s reaction after he moves the book away from her. Both children are likely to keep crying.

LEILA CUTLER/ALAMY
KOICHI SAITO/AMANAIMA/AGE FOTOSTOCK

Although there is considerable variation within, as well as among, cultures, national emphases on regulating emotions seem to include the following (Chen, 2011; Harkness et al., 2011; Miller, 2004; Stubben, 2001):

• fear (United States)
• anger (Puerto Rico)
• pride (China)
• selfishness (Japan)
• impatience (many Native American communities)
• disobedience (Mexico)
• erratic moods (the Netherlands).

Control strategies vary as well (Matsumoto, 2004). Peers, parents, and strangers sometimes ignore emotional outbursts, sometimes deflect them, sometimes punish them, and so forth. Shame is used when social reputation is a priority. Indeed, in some cultures, “pride goeth before a fall” and people who “have no shame” are considered mentally ill (Stein, 2006).

Cultural differences are also apparent in emotional expression: Children may be encouraged to laugh, cry, and yell, or to hide their emotions (Kim et al., 2008). Some adults guffaw, slap their knees, and stomp their feet for joy; others cover their mouths with their hands if a smile spontaneously appears. Children learn to do the same.

Finally, temperaments vary, which makes people within the same culture unlike one another: “Cultures are inevitably more complicated than the framework that is supposed to explain them” (Harkness et al., 2011). Nonetheless, parents everywhere teach emotional regulation as their context expects. Unfortunately, children of parents who suffer from mental illness such as depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia are less able to regulate their emotions (Kovacs et al., 2008).

A VIEW FROM SCIENCE

Sex Differences in Emotional Regulation

Biologically, the differences between males and females are minor, at least until puberty. Only one gene (SRY) on one of the 46 chromosomes (the Y) causes the difference in genitals. Most aspects of physical and cognitive growth are the same for all children. When differences appear, they are in averages, not absolutes. For example, girls average slightly more body fat than boys, but many boys weigh more than the average girl.

This overlapping of characteristics is one of two crucial points that scientists stress when they consider sex differences. Beyond anatomy, it is never true that all the boys have one trait and none of the girls do, or vice versa. The sexes overlap; they are not opposites.

The second crucial point is that both nature and nurture are connected to every difference that is found between boys and girls. For instance, even the fact that girls have more body fat than boys may seem to be nature, but among poor families in India, girls have less fat than boys, on average. The reason is cultural: When food is scarce, boys are better fed.

Now to emotional regulation. On average, young girls are advanced in controlling their emotions, particularly anger, compared with boys. One study traced externalizing and internalizing emotions from early to middle childhood. Researchers gave 5-year-olds two toy figures, told them the beginning of a hypothetical story about two children interacting with each other, and then had the children enact the scene with the toys (Zahn-Waxler et al., 2008). For example, the children were told that the two toy children (named Mark and Scott for the boys, Mary and Sarah for the girls) started yelling at each other. The 5-year-olds were asked to show what happened next.

Cute or Shy? Girls and women are often expected to be reticent. They cling more to their mothers in kindergarten, they wait to be asked to dance or date, and they talk less in co-ed groups. Are these cultural differences or genetic differences?

FLORESCO PRODUCTIONS CULTURA/NEWSCOM

Many boys showed Mark and Scott hitting and kicking. Boys whose externalizing behaviour worsened between ages 5 and 9 (as rated by teachers and parents) were the most likely to dramatize such attacks at age 5. By contrast, 5-year-old girls often had Mary and Sarah discuss the conflict or change the subject. Curiously, those 5-year-old girls who had Mary and Sarah engage in “reparative behaviour” (repairing the relationship, such as having Mary hug Sarah and say, “I’m sorry”) were more likely to be disruptive at age 8 than the other girls were. Their quickness to repair the conflict may have signalled too much guilt or shame, which would sometimes erupt later on.

The authors of the study wrote:

Gender-role stereotypes or exaggerations of masculine qualities (e.g., impulsive, aggressive, uncaring) and feminine qualities (submissive, unassertive, socially sensitive) are reflected not only in the types of problems males and females tend to develop but also in different forms of expression.

[Zahn-Waxler et al, 2008]

These researchers suggest that extreme externalization or extreme internalization predict future psychopathology. Because of gender differences, mistreated boys are likely to externalize and mistreated girls to internalize. By age 5, without emotional regulation, maltreated boys throw and hit, and maltreated girls sob uncontrollably or hide.

Later you will read that men are more likely to become antisocial or schizophrenic, while women are more likely to be overwhelmed by anxiety or depression. Perhaps as a result, females have more suicide attempts, but males more often kill themselves—typically without the warnings that suicidal females often provide. Is that culture or hormones?

In the study of 5-year-olds, above, why didn’t more boys have Mark and Scott discuss their conflict? Does emotional regulation appear more quickly in young girls because their parents teach them to restrain their impulse to hit? Or does the prenatal testosterone in those boys’ brains make them more violent at age 5?

Seeking Emotional Balance

At every age, in all cultures, caregivers try to prevent psychopathology, an illness or disorder (-pathology) of the mind (psycho-). Although symptoms and diagnoses are influenced by culture—rebellion is expected in some cultures and considered pathological in others—impaired emotional regulation universally signals mental imbalance. Parents guide young children toward “an optimal balance” between emotional expression and emotional control (Blair & Dennis, 2010; Trommsdorff & Cole, 2011).

Externalizing and Internalizing ProblemsWithout adequate regulation, emotions can be overwhelming. Intense reactions occur in two opposite ways, as you might expect from the activate–inhibit nature of neurons.

Some people have externalizing problems: Their powerful feelings burst out uncontrollably. They externalize rage, for example, by lashing out or breaking things. Without emotional regulation, an angry child might flail at another person or lie down screaming and kicking. By age 5, children usually have learned more self-control, perhaps pouting, but not hitting and screaming.

Other people have internalizing problems: They are fearful and withdrawn, turning distress inward. Emotions may be internalized via headaches or stomach aches. Although the cause is psychological, the ache is real.

Again, with maturity, the extreme fears of some 2-year-olds (e.g., terror of the bathtub drain or of a stranger on crutches) diminish. The fear isn’t gone, but expression is better regulated: A child may be afraid of kindergarten, for instance, but bravely lets go of mother’s or father’s hand anyway.