Chapter 19 Introduction

Emerging Adulthood: Psychosocial Development

  • Continuity and Change
    • Identity Achieved
    • Personality in Emerging Adulthood
  • Intimacy
    • Friendship
    • The Dimensions of Love
    • OPPOSING PERSPECTIVES: Cohabitation
    • A CASE TO STUDY: My Daughters and Me
    • What Makes Relationships Succeed?
    • Conflict
  • Emerging Adults and Their Parents
    • Linked Lives
    • Financial Support

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WHAT WILL YOU KNOW?

  1. What typically happens to a shy child’s temperament when he or she grows up?

    They tend to grow into cautious, reserved adults. They are slower than average to secure a job, choose a career, or find a romance. However, they are no more likely to be anxious, depressed, or to have low self-esteem than others of their cohort. They usually have many friends, see them often, and may be envied for their delayed employment and later marriage. Shyness in childhood usually develops into an asset in adulthood.

  2. Does cohabitation before marriage make a marriage happier?

    Contrary to widespread belief, living together before marriage does not prevent problems that might arise after a wedding. A meta-analysis revealed that couples who lived together before marriage were more likely to divorce. Compared to cohabiting couples, happiness of married couples increased more at the beginning of their relationship and decreased more at separation, which suggests that cohabitation is not the equivalent of marriage. Although cohabitation has been associated with subsequent divorce in the United States, those results may be specific to a particular historical time. At the same time, there is currently no research to suggest that cohabitation is beneficial over time.

  3. In cases of spouse abuse, is it better for partners to be counseled or to separate?

    In some abusive relationships, constructive communication is impossible; in others, mediation can teach both partners how to improve their relationship. Situational couple violence can be reduced with maturation and counseling. Because situational violence may have roots in the culture, it is possible for adults who love each other to learn how to overcome the culture of violence. Intimate terrorism is difficult to treat because the terrorist gets satisfaction from the abuse, and the victim often submits and apologizes. It is dangerous to the victim and to anyone who intervenes, so the victim needs to be immediately separated from the abuser, relocated in a safe place, and given help to restore independence.

  4. Why do some emerging adults live with their parents?

    Emerging adults still rely on their families for financial and emotional support and guidance, despite growing independence and autonomy. Because parents have higher incomes than emerging adults, most parents are in a position to contribute to the support of their emerging adult children. Parents care about their grown children’s well-being. There are cultural and cohort variations as to just how much independence emerging adults have from their family.

Looking back, I now see many signs of emerging adulthood in my life. When I was 20, Phoebe and Peggy were my two closest friends. As both our parents and culture expected, we anticipated becoming happy brides, wives, and mothers, even describing our wedding dresses to each other and naming our imagined children. Our anticipations were dashed by social change.

As adults the three of us had three husbands and five children—collectively, about average for our culture and cohort. But Phoebe never married or gave birth. She started her own business and became a millionaire who now owns a house near the Pacific Ocean. Peggy married, divorced, remarried, and had one child at age 40. She earned a Ph.D. and, after many academic jobs, finally found the work she loves, as a massage therapist. I married and gave birth while working and learning, a new pattern for my generation. Another woman, a stranger I met at a party, on hearing that I had four children, asked incredulously, “All from the same husband?” Yes, an odd path, part traditional (my grandmother had 12 children) and part modern (all my daughters are full-time, salaried workers).

social clock A timetable based on social norms for accomplishing certain life events such as when to finish school, marry, start a career, have children, and retire.

The culture shifted just when we became adults; none of us did what was expected when we were girls. Years ago, adults used to check their developmental timing using the social clock, a timetable based on social norms. These norms set “best” ages for people to finish school, marry, start a career, and have children.

Ten years ago, I complained to Phoebe that, even though they were all past age 20, none of my four grown daughters were wives or mothers. She smiled, put her hand on mine, and said, “Please notice. I never married or had children. Yet I am happy.” So is Peggy. So am I. As the researchers now are learning, emerging adults do not necessarily marry, secure lifelong careers, or become parents, but that does not mean their lives will be sad and lonely. Far from it.