1c. Drafting and revising a working thesis statement

1cDraft and revise a working thesis statement.

For many types of writing, you will be able to assert your central idea in a sentence or two. Such a statement, which ordinarily appears in the opening paragraph of your finished essay, is called a thesis.

What makes an effective thesis statement?

A successful thesis statement is a central idea that requires supporting evidence; its scope is appropriate for the assigned length of the essay; and it is sharply and specifically focused. A thesis is a promise to readers. It is often one or more of the following:

Drafting a working thesis

MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR HANDBOOK

The thesis statement is central to many types of writing.

image Writing arguments: 6

image Writing about texts: 4, 6f

image Writing about images and multimodal texts: 5

image Writing research papers: 53 (MLA), 58 (APA), 63 (Chicago)

image Writing literature papers: 7c

As you explore your topic and identify questions to investigate, you will begin to see possible ways to focus your material. At this point, try to settle on a tentative central idea, or working thesis statement. The more complex your topic, the more your focus will change as your drafts evolve. Think of your working thesis as preliminary, open for consideration and revision, as you clarify your purpose and consider the expectations of your audience. As your ideas develop, you’ll need to revisit your working thesis to see if it represents the position you want to take or if it can be supported by the sources of evidence you have accumulated.

You’ll find that the process of answering a question you have posed, resolving a problem you have identified, or taking a position on a debatable topic will focus your thinking and lead you to develop a working thesis. At the top of the next page, for example, are one student’s efforts to pose a question and draft a working thesis for an essay in his ethics course.

question

Should athletes who enhance their performance through biotechnology be banned from athletic competition?

working thesis

Athletes who boost their performance through biotechnology should be banned from athletic competition.

The working thesis offers a useful place to start writing—a way to limit the topic and focus a first draft—but it doesn’t take into consideration the expectations of readers who will ask “Why?” and “So what?” The student has taken a position—athletes should be banned—but he hasn’t answered why athletes should be banned if they boost their performance through biotechnology. To fully answer his own question, he might push his own thinking with the word because.

stronger thesis

Athletes who boost their performance through biotechnology should be banned from competition because. . . .

The because clause will allow the student to claim something specific in his thesis—for example, that biotechnology gives athletes an unfair advantage and disrupts the sense of fair play.

Here another student focuses a working thesis for a researched argument paper in her composition course by identifying a problem.

problem

Americans who earn average incomes cannot run effective national political campaigns.

working thesis

Congress should pass legislation that would make it possible for Americans who are not wealthy to be viable candidates in national political campaigns.

The student has roughed out language for solving the problem (by enacting federal legislation), which is a good starting point. Readers, though, will want to know why legislation will resolve the problem and what specific legislation will address this problem. As the student researches and learns more about her topic and perhaps talks with a tutor or peer, she will be able to revise her working thesis and suggest a specific solution, such as federal restrictions on campaign spending.

Revising a working thesis

As you move to a clearer and more specific position you want to take, you’ll start to see ways to revise your working thesis. You may find that the evidence you have collected supports a different thesis; you may find that your position has changed as you learned more about your topic. Revision is ongoing; as your ideas evolve, your working thesis will evolve, too. One effective way to revise a working thesis is to put it to the “So what?” test (see the chart at the bottom of the page). Can you explain why readers will want to read an essay with this thesis? Can you respond when readers ask “So what?” or “Why does your thesis matter?” Such questions help you keep audience and purpose—and the expectations of your assignment—in mind as you revise.

Using a problem/strategy approach as you revise

Revising a working thesis is easier if you have a method or an approach. The following problem/strategy approach is an effective way to evaluate and revise a working thesis, especially if you tend to start out with thesis statements that are too factual, too broad, too narrow, too vague—or perhaps not even phrased as statements. (See “Unclear thesis” in 2a.)

A thesis should require proof or further development through facts and details; it cannot itself be a fact or a description.

working thesis The first polygraph was developed by Dr. John A. Larson in 1921.
problem The thesis is too factual. A reader could not disagree with it or debate it; no further development of this idea is required.
strategy Enter a debate by posing a question about your topic that has more than one possible answer. For example: Should the polygraph be used by private employers? Your thesis should be your answer to the question.
revised thesis Because the polygraph has not been proved reliable, even under controlled conditions, its use by private employers should be banned.

A thesis should be an answer to a question, not a question itself.

working thesis Would John F. Kennedy have continued to escalate the war in Vietnam if he had lived?
problem The thesis is a question, not an answer to a question.
strategy Take a position on your topic by answering the question you have posed. Your thesis should be your answer to the question.
revised thesis Although John F. Kennedy sent the first American troops to Vietnam before he died, an analysis of his foreign policy suggests that he would not have escalated the war had he lived.

A thesis should be of sufficient scope for your assignment; it should not be too broad.

working thesis Mapping the human genome has many implications for health and science.
problem The thesis is too broad. Even in a very long research paper, you would not be able to discuss all the implications of mapping the human genome.
strategy Focus on a subtopic of your original topic. Once you have chosen a subtopic, take a position in an ongoing debate and pose a question that has more than one answer. For example: Should people be tested for genetic diseases? Your thesis should be your answer to the question.
revised thesis Although scientists can now detect genetic predisposition for specific diseases, policymakers should establish clear guidelines about whom to test and under what circumstances.

A thesis also should not be too narrow.

working thesis A person who carries a genetic mutation linked to a particular disease might or might not develop that disease.
problem The thesis is too narrow. It does not suggest any argument or debate about the topic.
strategy Identify challenging questions that readers might ask about your topic. Then pose a question that has more than one answer. For example: Do the risks of genetic testing outweigh its usefulness? Your thesis should be your answer to this question.
revised thesis Though positive results in a genetic test do not guarantee that the disease will develop, such results can cause psychological trauma; genetic testing should therefore be avoided if possible.

A thesis should be sharply focused, not too vague. Avoid fuzzy, hard-to-define words such as interesting, good, or disgusting.

working thesis The Vietnam Veterans Memorial is an interesting structure.
problem This thesis is too fuzzy and unfocused. It’s difficult to define interesting, and the sentence doesn’t give readers any cues about where the essay is going.
strategy Focus your thesis with concrete language and a clear plan. Pose a question about the topic that has more than one answer. For example: How does the physical structure of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial shape the experience of visitors? Your thesis—your answer to the question—should use specific language.
revised thesis By inviting visitors to see their own reflections in the wall, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial creates a link between the present and the past.

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  • The writing process > As you write: Proofreading your work

Putting your working thesis to the “So what?” test

Use the following questions to help you revise your working thesis.

  • Ask yourself why readers will want to read an essay with this thesis. How would you respond to a reader who hears your thesis and asks “So what?” or “Why does it matter?”
  • Does your thesis answer a question, propose a solution to a problem, or take a position in a debate? Why will readers be interested in your answer, solution, or position?
  • Will any readers disagree with this thesis? If so, what might they say?
  • Is the thesis too obvious? If you cannot come up with interpretations different from your own, you may need to revise your thesis.
  • Does the thesis require an essay’s worth of development? Or will you run out of points too quickly?
  • Can you provide enough support for your thesis with the evidence available?