Making major revisions can be difficult, especially when you’ve worked hard to write a first draft. Revising is a lot easier, though, when you ask reviewers and readers for suggestions. (See the charts at the bottom of the page.) And revising is more effective when you approach it in cycles, rather than attempting to change everything all at once. Four common cycles of global revision are discussed in this section:
Engaging the audience
Sometimes a rough draft needs an overhaul because it is directed at no particular audience. Readers are put off by such writing because they aren’t sure what’s in it for them. A good question to ask yourself and your reviewers is the toughest question a reader might ask: “So what?” If your draft can’t pass the “So what?” test, you may need to rethink your entire approach.
Once you have made sure that your draft is directed at an audience—readers who stand to benefit in some way by reading it—you may still need to refine your tone. The tone of a piece of writing expresses the writer’s feelings toward the audience and the topic, so it is important to get it right. When you seek responses to your draft, ask your readers about your tone. If they respond that your tone seems too self-centered or too flippant, bossy, patronizing, or hostile, you’ll want to modify it to show respect for your readers.
The following paragraph was drafted by a student who hoped to persuade his audience to buy organic produce.
A PARAGRAPH THAT ALIENATES READERS
If you choose to buy organic produce, you are supporting local farmers as well as demonstrating your opposition to chemical pesticides. As more and more supermarkets carry organic fruits and vegetables, consumers have fewer reasons not to buy organic. Some consumers do not buy organic produce because they are not willing to spend the extra money. But if you care at all about the environment or the small farmer, you should be willing to support organic farms in your area.
When the student asked a classmate to review his draft, his classmate commented that the tone was harsh and alienating. His reviewer questioned why he assumed his readers didn’t care about the environment. (See 2b.)
A PARAGRAPH THAT RESPECTS READERS
By choosing to buy organic produce, you have the opportunity to support local farmers, to oppose the use of chemical pesticides, and to taste some of the freshest produce available. Because more supermarkets carry organic produce than ever, you won’t even have to miss out on any of your favorite fruits or vegetables. Although organic produce can be more expensive than conventional produce, the costs are not prohibitive. For example, a pound of organic bananas at my local grocery store is eighty-nine cents, while the conventional bananas are sixty-nine cents a pound. If you can afford this small price difference, you will have the opportunity to make a difference for the environment and for the small farmer.
—Leon Nage, student
EXCERPT FROM AN ONLINE PEER REVIEW SESSION
Peer Reviewer: I see your point, but it’s harsh. You need to think about how to be more diplomatic.
Writer: How is it harsh? What could I change?
Reviewer: You accuse “some consumers” of being unwilling to spend extra money or being uninterested in helping the environment. What reader is motivated to read something that’s insulting or alienating?
Writer: Well. . . . It’s true that people don’t like to spend extra money. How else can I say this?
Reviewer: What if you give more positive reasons for supporting the cause? That would be a little more inviting.
Writer: That’s a good idea. I’ll try it.
Sharpening the focus
A clearly focused draft fixes readers’ attention on one central idea and does not stray from that idea. You can sharpen the focus of a draft by clarifying the introduction (especially the thesis) and by deleting any text that is off the point.
Clarifying the introduction Reread your introduction to see if it clearly states the essay’s main idea. To help you revise, ask your reviewers questions such as the following:
Deleting text that is off the point Compare the introduction, especially the thesis statement, with the body of the essay. Does the body fulfill the promise of the introduction? If not, you will need to adjust one or the other. Either rebuild the introduction to fit the body or keep the introduction and delete body sentences or paragraphs that stray from its point.
Improving the organization
A draft is well organized when its major divisions are logical and easy to follow. To improve the organization of your draft, you may need to take one or more of the following actions: adding or sharpening topic sentences, moving blocks of text, and inserting headings.
Adding or sharpening topic sentences Topic sentences state the main ideas of the paragraphs in the body of an essay. (See 3a.) You can review the organization of a draft by reading only the topic sentences. Do the topic sentences clearly support the essay’s main idea? Can you turn them into a reasonable sentence outline of the paper? (See 1d.) If your draft lacks topic sentences, add them unless you have a good reason for omitting them.
Moving blocks of text Improving the organization of a draft can be as simple as moving a few sentences from one paragraph to another or reordering paragraphs. You may also find that you can clarify the organization of a draft by combining choppy paragraphs or by dividing those that are too long for easy reading. (See 3e.) Often, however, the process is more complex. As you move blocks of text, you may need to supply transitions to make the text fit smoothly in the new positions; you may also need to rework topic sentences to make your new organization clear.
Before moving text, consider sketching a revised outline. Divisions in the outline might become topic sentences in the restructured essay. (See 1d.)
Inserting headings In long documents, such as complex research papers or business reports, headings can help readers follow your organization. Typically, headings are presented as phrases, declarative or imperative sentences, or questions. To draw attention to headings, you can center them, put them in boldface, underline them, use all capital letters, or do some combination of these techniques. (See also 62a for use of headings in APA papers.)
Strengthening the content
In reviewing the content of a draft, first consider whether your argument is sound. You may need to rethink your argument as you revise. Second, consider whether any text (sentences or paragraphs) should be added or deleted, keeping in mind what your readers need to know to understand your ideas. If your purpose is to argue a point, consider how persuasively you have proved your point to an intelligent, thoughtful audience. If your purpose is to inform, be sure that you have presented your ideas clearly and with enough detail to meet your readers’ needs.
Rethinking your argument A first draft presents you with an opportunity to rethink your argument. You can often deepen your ideas about a subject by asking yourself some hard questions:
Adding text If any paragraphs or sections of the essay are too skimpy to be clear and convincing (a common problem in rough drafts), add specific facts, details, and examples. You may need to go back to the beginning of the writing process: listing specifics, brainstorming ideas with friends or classmates, perhaps doing more research. As you revise paragraphs, it’s helpful to ask questions such as Why? and How?
Deleting text Look for sentences and paragraphs that can be cut without serious loss of meaning. Ask your reviewers if they can show you sentences where you have repeated yourself or strayed from your point. Maybe you have given too much emphasis to minor ideas. Cuts may also be necessitated by word limits, such as those imposed by a college assignment or by the realities of the business world, where readers are often pressed for time.
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View yourself as a coach, not a judge.
Think of yourself as proposing possibilities, not dictating revisions. It is the writer, after all, who will have to grapple with the task of improving the essay. Work with the writer to identify the strengths and limitations of the draft.
Restate the writer’s main ideas.
It’s helpful for the writer to see if you understand the main point of the essay. Restate the thesis for the writer. And try to paraphrase each paragraph of the draft to help the writer see if the essay’s points are clearly expressed.
Where possible, give specific compliments.
Vague compliments (such as “I liked your essay”) sound insincere—and they aren’t helpful. Point out specific successes. For example, you might mention that you particularly admire how the writer presents the opposing viewpoint in the second paragraph before challenging it in the third.
Link suggestions for improvement to the writer’s goals.
Criticism is constructive when it is offered in the right spirit. For example, you might advise the writer to put the most dramatic example last, where it will have the maximum impact on readers.
Ask questions and tell the writer where you would like to hear more.
Note passages that you found either confusing or interesting. By asking for clarification, you will help the writer see what needs to be revised. Indicating an interest in hearing more about a topic will often inspire the writer to come up with useful and vivid details.
Express interest in reading the next draft.
When your interest is sincere, expressing it can be a powerful motivation for a writer.
Don’t take criticism personally.
Your reader is responding to your essay, not to you. It may be frustrating to hear that you still have more work to do, but taking feedback seriously will make your essay stronger.
Pay attention to ideas that contradict your own.
If comments show that a reviewer doesn’t understand what you’re trying to do, don’t be defensive. Instead, consider why your reader is confused, and figure out how to clarify your point. Responding to readers’ objections—instead of dismissing them—may strengthen your ideas and make your essay more persuasive.
Look for global concerns.
Your reviewers will probably make more suggestions than you can use. To keep things manageable, focus on the comments that relate to your thesis, organization, and evidence. Do your readers understand your main idea? Can they follow your train of thought? Are they looking for more supporting ideas or facts?
Weigh feedback carefully.
As you begin revising, you may find yourself sorting through suggestions from many people, including instructors, writing tutors, and peer reviewers. Sometimes these readers will agree, but often their advice will differ. It’s important to sort through all the comments you receive with your original goals in mind—otherwise, you’ll be facing the impossible task of trying to incorporate everyone’s advice.
Keep a revision and editing log.
Make a clear and simple list of the global and sentence-level concerns that keep coming up in most of your reviewers’ comments. That list can serve as a starting point each time you revise a paper. When you take charge of your own writing in this way, comments will become a valuable resource.
Purpose and audience
Focus
Organization and paragraphing
Content
Point of view