Analyzing Personal Statements: What to Look For

THE RHETORICAL SITUATION

Purpose People write personal statements to persuade readers that they are a good fit for the scholarship, program, or school they’re applying to. Most writers tell a story about themselves—about their own lives and histories—that connects with the values of the institutions they seek to become a part of. Writers focus on specific topics and themes that are meaningful to them—such as specific current issues, overcoming adversity, achieving maturity, learning from a mentor, mentoring or leading others, learning from coursework and research, and growing through passions and hobbies.

Imagine that you’ve won the lottery and have created a scholarship fund with some of your winnings. What traits would you want to see in applicants for your scholarship?

Audience In this genre, it’s especially important for a writer to keep readers foremost in mind when composing, because what’s at stake is the writer’s future. Readers are key decision makers: They are the individuals or committee members who will choose who gets accepted into a program, for example. They want to know how the writer will make the institution or organization proud and reflect well on them. They want to admit people who will succeed, not just in their program but after graduation.

Rhetorical appeals Personal statement writers establish their ethos by demonstrating that they are hardworking, intelligent, and committed to their education. They appeal to readers’ logos by connecting the story they tell with the values of the organization they are applying to. Another effective strategy is for writers to appeal to readers’ sense of pathos by including enough details to come across as a real person and make the readers “root” for them and their success. For example, a student from Kenya writes in his personal statement for admission to law school:

When I first came to the United States, my father’s sister, whom I secretly referred to as the “Iron Lady” because I never remembered seeing a smile on her face, . . . forcefully enrolled me in the local community college and said it was at least better than any college I could have attended in Kenya. To her surprise, I made the Dean’s list. . . . My aunt smirked when I mentioned that I had applied to Princeton. She didn’t think I had a chance to attend a prestigious school. . . . The day I received my acceptance letter into Princeton, I knew that my journey towards the pursuit of knowledge had begun, and never again will I be denied the attainment of education because of reasons for which I had no control.

—from TopLawSchools.com, “Guide to Personal Statements”

Attention readers, especially law school applicants!

To read the full content of the above statement, along with other examples mentioned in this section, visit TopLawSchools.com’s “Guide to Personal Statements,” edited by Ken DeLeon and Joann Kleinneiur.

By highlighting an experience in which he was unfairly judged by his aunt, the applicant shows him to readers as an underdog and they will root for his success.

Modes & media Personal statements are written and can appear in either print or digital format. Some programs want personal statements submitted electronically and others specify that they be printed and sent by snail mail.

THE GENRE’S CONVENTIONS

Elements of the genre Composers of effective personal statements do the following:

Get readers’ attention, right away. In the first paragraph, writers need to pique interest and give readers a sense of where the essay will go from there. For example, if a writer is going to tell a story in the body of his statement about hiking Mount Everest, he needs to mention this in his first paragraph. And writers should not be afraid to use drama and vivid imagery to hold readers’ attention. For example, in his personal statement in a law school application, a writer who focuses his narrative on starting up an Internet company in Silicon Valley writes:

Eighteen months ago, I was sitting at my computer, wedged between a dripping coffee maker to my left and the company’s CFO five feet to my right. Every keystroke shook the flimsy fold-out card table that served as my desk, on loan to the company from another employee’s garage.

—from TopLawSchools.com, “Guide to Personal Statements”

This writer uses specific detail (coffee maker, CFO, flimsy card table) to provide a memorable setting that will make law school committee members want to continue reading.

Make an argument. Writers need to argue that they are the right person for the scholarship, job, or position in a program, and support that argument with evidence. For example, the Kenyan student applying to law school supports his argument by citing his experiences of:

He uses these experiences to persuade readers that (1) his interests in the legal profession and social justice are not just passing fancies and (2) he has what it takes to be a good law school student and, ultimately, a successful practicing attorney.

Tell a story. Writers tell stories in their personal statements in order to appeal to readers’ sense of pathos and convey their personalities. Any story in the statement needs to clearly demonstrate the qualities of the writer that make him or her a top candidate for whatever he or she is applying for. A story is more interesting for readers than an essay that states, “I am a good fit because of x, y, and z.” For example, the Kenyan student writes the following:

[M]y father’s sister, whom I secretly referred to as the “Iron Lady” because I never remembered seeing a smile on her face, . . . forcefully enrolled me in the local community college and said it was at least better than any college I could have attended in Kenya. To her surprise, I made the Dean’s list and was one of the two selected out of 40,000 students to represent my college at the “All Missouri Academic Team,” for which I received a plaque from the Governor. . . .

—from TopLawSchools.com, “Guide to Personal Statements”

The writer uses the above story to demonstrate his seriousness about education and his ability to succeed.

Address specific questions. Writers need to cover any specific requirements in their statements—for example they may be asked to respond to specific questions, write about a particular issue or problem, or address their test scores, coursework, or community service. If so, that means the committee reading the statements places a high value on those things. An applicant who doesn’t address them will probably be disqualified from consideration.

Identify the values of an organization and connect them to their own experience. Writers should know what’s important to the school or organization they’re applying to—even the most basic Internet research beforehand helps. Work these concepts into the statement to boost ethos: Schools and funding organizations look for qualities in applicants that correspond with how they identify themselves and their organizations. For example, the Web site for the Morris K. Udall and Stewart L. Udall Foundation states that they aim to “foster a greater recognition and understanding of the role of the environment, public lands, and resources in the development of the United States.” A scholarship applicant to the foundation might tell a story about how she came to appreciate a particular public land, such as California’s Redwood National Park.

Do you have a Facebook friend who posts “TMI” status updates? What makes those updates feel too personal to you? Have you ever posted something that you later realized was TMI? How did you know?

Are authentic. A writer’s personal statement should set him or her apart from other applicants. Bragging about a high GPA won’t do the trick because competitive programs receive lots of applications from people with excellent GPAs. Instead, effective writers focus on revealing who they are as individuals. Rather than pretending to be “the perfect candidate,” which doesn’t exist, it’s best for writers to talk about a specific life experience that shaped who they are. However, just as you don’t post everything about yourself on Facebook (You don’t, do you? If you do, please stop), writers need to exercise judgment about how much to reveal. While writers should talk about their accomplishments, they should not mention winning last weekend’s wet T-shirt contest unless that accomplishment is directly related to the program they’re applying to.

Explain shortcomings. A personal statement is also an opportunity to explain anything questionable that might come up in the application package. Sharing the story behind a semester of poor grades or low test scores in an otherwise strong application can get readers to take a second look. For example, a student with a semester of low grades could explain that she was in a car accident that semester, which caused her to miss three weeks of classes. The key here is to keep the explanations short and sweet. “I was in a serious car accident that caused me to miss three weeks of classes” is appropriate, whereas two paragraphs of details about the horror of the accident, the difficult recovery process, and the pile of bills that resulted will distract readers from the central argument: that the writer is a good fit for the program she’s applying to.

Close with a strong statement. As with any argument essay, the closing statement will stay in readers’ minds long after the particular details of the essay have faded. A strong closing statement is another way to move your application to the top of the pile. In the statement written by the student from Kenya, he closes by stating:

Though I still believe that I can do all things, if I set my mind to it, I also know that I cannot change the entire world. Nevertheless, I feel an obligation as a human being to make the biggest difference that I can.

This closing statement takes the clichéd idea of “wanting to save the world” and puts a realistic twist on it.

Attention, personal statement writers!

Sloppy writing and even one typo in a personal statement or accompanying application can destroy your ethos and disqualify you from consideration. Just as with resumes and cover letters, read, revise, and reread, until it’s just right. Along the way, ask a few friends, colleagues, or instructors for input, too. (See also resumes and cover letters in this chapter’s epages.)

Style Composers of effective personal statements do the following:

Craft their work carefully. Even if an application specifies that a separate writing sample be submitted, the personal statement is viewed as a writing sample, and therefore should represent the applicant’s best writing. Writers should draft, revise, and proofread extremely carefully.

Write in the first person. Because writers of personal statements are talking about themselves and their experiences, first person is appropriate.

Provide details. Writers use specific details to support generalizations and paint a picture in the reader’s mind. The more an author can make his or her story come alive for the reader, the more persuaded the reader will be that the writer is a strong candidate.

Write in an ethos-building voice and tone. The tone should match the serious business of applying for a scholarship or admission to a program. That said, writers can and should be creative—like the law school applicant who opens his statement with this:

By packing a dozen well-caffeinated physics and electronics geniuses into a pathetic three-room rental that resembled a low-budget movie studio, we had created the primordial soup of intellectual invention.

—from TopLawSchools.com, “Guide to Personal Statements”

But writers should not write anything silly or sarcastic, and they should avoid writing anything that would normally be followed by an emoticon in a text message.

Design Like cover letters, personal statements adhere to business writing standards. Text is single-spaced and organized into paragraphs that are separated by a line space.

Sources The most important source for a personal statement is the author’s life, which is what the writer draws on for stories and details. Additionally, writers should research the program they are applying to in order to discover the values and mission of the program and incorporate that information into the statement.