Saifa, In His Own Words

Saifa Wall: I think I've spent a great deal of my life searching. Where do I fit in? Who am I?

Narrator: Many theories attempt to explain the development of personality. Some theories emphasize childhood experiences, sexual impulses, and the role of learning in determining personality. Other theories consider factors such as cognition, evolution, and culture. But to really unlock an individual's personality, we need to understand the details of that person's life.

Saifa Wall: Childhood and adolescence are very formative years in a person's development.

Narrator: Saifa Wall was born in 1978 with Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. AIS children are born with conflicting or ambiguous sex organs. As was customary at the time of Saifa's birth, doctors chose the baby's gender. The baby became Suzanne.

Saifa Wall: The psychosocial notes said that the child would be assigned as female and will function as such. But I felt more aligned with the boy gender. My mom let me be a tomboy. Moving through elementary school into middle school and high school, these gender roles became very cemented. My body was starting to develop differently than other little girls.

Narrator: How would Sigmund Freud have explained the conflicts Saifa experienced as a young person? Freud believed that personality is formed through childhood experiences, and suggested that the developing personality progresses through five psychosexual stages.

Meanwhile, there were further complications in Saifa's life. In the Bronx of the 1980s, crack cocaine and crime were wreaking havoc. Soon these troubles hit home.

Saifa Wall: My dad was arrested on October 30th, 1989. That would be last time that I would see him alive.

Narrator: More difficulties lay ahead. In middle school, Suzanne began to show signs of male puberty. A deeper voice, facial hair, and more muscle mass.

Saifa Wall: That was the lowest of my self esteem. It made me a target for bullying and harassment, and I think I compensated for that by just getting into trouble.

Narrator: By age 13, Saifa was also experiencing pain in his groin, a possible result of having undescended testes. Doctors in New York City decided to remove the testies and to put Saifa on female hormones, which feminized his face and body.

Saifa Wall: Afterwards, things just really shifted. I had no sex hormones in my body. Sex hormones is what gives us vitality. No doctors are really sharing with me what's going on. My mom took me to two psychiatrists. Eventually I actually started to see the light again.

Narrator: In college Saifa uncovered the fact that he had been born with AIS.

Saifa Wall: It was freeing because the truth was unveiled. In another way, oh man, I felt so deceived. If my doctors were more honest about how I was born, it probably would have saved me years of shame. If I were to go back and talk to that child called Suzanne, what I would tell her is that you're unique and you're special.

Narrator: In his mid 20s, Saifa decided to make the biological and social transition to manhood. He also confronted his relationship with his father, who died in prison of AIDS.

Today, Saifa is an advocate for the legal rights of intersex people.

Saifa Wall: My intersex activism comes from wanting to make this world safer for intersex children and adults. I do believe change is possible. I think I wouldn't be doing the work as an intersex activist if I didn't believe in transformation.

Starting in 2007 I started doing collage art. One of the historical figures that I really love is Harriet Tubman. She transgressed the social and physical boundaries.

Narrator: Saifa appears to demonstrate a high level of self-efficacy, which may have helped him to persevere in difficult situations. Self-efficacy is just one of the many cognitive factors that influence our behavior patterns, as described by psychologist Albert Bandura in his theory of reciprocal determinism.

But keep in mind that no single theory can fully account for how we develop our personalities.

Saifa Wall: I think what shapes my personality is how I see the world, how I interact with the world, how the world interacts with me, and the relationships I have. I've really made a commitment to heal. To really address the trauma of losing my father, the shame of being intersex. I looked it in the face, and I think I've been on that journey ever since.