This title may seem sexist, and it is meant to be. Modern men are caught in a bind—traditional masculinity expects men to be strong protectors, but modern relationships pressure men to also be vulnerable, to open up, and to be willing to talk about their feelings with their partners. Englar-Carlson and Shepard (2005) noted that contemporary men face many diverse expectations, which can lead to uncertainty about “what it means to be a man.” This uncertainty can lead to gender-role strain between traditional gender-role expectations of masculinity and more modern expectations, requiring men to show what have been traditionally seen as feminine characteristics such as emotional availability while still maintaining their masculinity. These researchers encourage counselors to acknowledge men’s discomfort with emotions and praise their willingness to open up to their partner about their feelings.
Knudson (2014) similarly acknowledged that there is conflicting advice for men on how to navigate the conflict of traditional gender roles with new expectations, which she called the “crisis of masculinity” (p. 116). Instead of providing advice for counselors like Englar-Carlson and Shepard, Knudson reviewed contemporary relationship advice books for men to see what messages men are being given about this crisis. Interestingly, during her review, Knudson noted that these relationship advice books fall into two subgenres, which she labeled “getting laid” and “growing close.” Obviously, the strategies and advice for these categories differ to some degree. The growing close category focused on topics such as men’s difficulty in expressing emotion and being self-aware, whereas the getting laid category focused on men’s approaches to fulfilling personal and professional goals. Knudson explained that the growing close genre promoted departing from traditional masculinity by broadening men’s willingness to talk; however, she also noted that both genres continued to emphasize traditional gender differences between women and men.