HOW TO COMMUNICATE|Video Skills

PERCEIVING NONVERBAL MESSAGES

One way to improve your communication competence is by adequately understanding others’ behaviors. Learn how to handle incongruent messages in nonverbal communication by completing the How to Communicate video activity below.

CONSIDER THIS:

While on a Skype video call with a long-distance friend, you describe your new romantic partner—explaining why the two of you get along so well. During your story, your friend frowns, rolls her eyes, and looks down at the floor.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

The advice below illustrates how to use perception-checking to ask if you are interpreting nonverbal messages correctly. As you watch the video, consider how nonverbal communication is used, perceived, and discussed. Then, test your knowledge of key skills, and create your own responses to the What if? video prompts on the next page.

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DESCRIBE YOUR OBSERVATIONS in neutral terms, being as specific as possible and using “I” language in explaining your perceptions. (“While I was talking, I thought I saw you frown, roll your eyes, and look down.”)

EXPRESS YOUR CONCERNS about her nonverbal communication, framing her behavior as “it” rather than “your actions” and emphasizing that your concern derives from admiration. (“I respect you and your opinion enormously, and so I’m concerned that it might have been in response to what I was sharing with you.”)

ASK HER ABOUT THE MEANING of her nonverbal communication, making sure to use “I” language and suggesting several possibilities so that it’s not a “yes/no” question. (“Were the behaviors I noticed because of what I was saying or something else entirely?”)

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