How to Communicate: Collaboration In A Conflict
HOW TO COMMUNICATE|Video Skills
COLLABORATION IN A CONFLICT
One way to improve your communication competence is by adapting your messages to others’ behaviors. Learn how to collaborate during a conflict by going completing the How to Communicate video activity below.
CONSIDER THIS:
Your roommate, Tim, hasn’t been doing his share of the housework. He leaves dirty dishes and clothes lying around, and never helps with the cleaning. It’s been a source of frustration for you when you walk into the kitchen and see—yet again—that he has created a mess. Even worse, you have friends coming over soon and are embarrassed by the state of your apartment.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
The advice below illustrates how a collaborative approach to the conflict can satisfy you both. As you watch the video, consider how the dialogue consistently keeps the focus on collaboration rather than sniping or avoidance. Then, test your knowledge of key skills, and create your own responses to the What if? video prompts on the next page.
Download transcript
ATTACK PROBLEMS, NOT PEOPLE, by being respectful and polite. Describe the problem without assigning blame and use “I” language. (“I feel like our apartment is always disorganized, and it’s really bothering me.”)
FOCUS ON COMMON INTERESTS AND GOALS. Use “we” language to emphasize shared benefits. (“If we divide up the housework equally, we could easily keep it clean. Then we could have people over whenever we wanted, without worrying about the mess.”)
CREATE OPTIONS BEFORE ARRIVING AT DECISIONS, making sure to suggest a range of choices for solving the situation and not clinging to any one in particular. (“I could do the kitchen and the vacuuming if you take care of the bathroom. Or you could do the kitchen—whichever you want. What do you think?”)
CRITICALLY EVALUATE YOUR SOLUTION, making sure that others find it fair and equal. (“Would that work for you? Or is there something else we could do that’s better?”)