How to Communicate: Ending A Relationship
HOW TO COMMUNICATE|Video Skills
ENDING A RELATIONSHIP
One way to improve your communication competence is by adapting your messages to others’ behaviors. Learn how to navigate difficult relational stages by completing the How to Communicate video activity below.
CONSIDER THIS:
The close connection that once existed between you and a relationship partner, Alex, has faded. You no longer share anything in common, and you bicker and fight more than you get along. You decide to end the relationship and now must inform Alex of your decision.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
The advice below illustrates how competent communication skills can help you terminate a relationship. As you watch the video, consider how the dialogue reflects various skills from across this book. Then, test your knowledge of key skills, and create your own responses to the What if? video prompts on the next page.
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CREATE A CONTEXT FOR THE CONVERSATION by choosing the right time and place, making sure you’re face-to-face, in a comfortable environment, and have plenty of time to talk. Don’t discuss termination if your partner has important obligations in the near future that might be negatively impacted by your interaction, such as exams or interviews. (“I need to talk with you. It’s important and it’s going to take a while. Do you have to be anywhere? Is now a good time to chat?”)
USE CLEAR, POSITIVE, HONEST “I” LANGUAGE; avoid blame and negativity; keep the focus squarely on you and your feelings; and ask for his or her viewpoint. (“I don’t feel that there’s a solid connection between us anymore. I think we are going in different directions, and we each should just move on with our lives. Are you feeling the same things?”)
OFFER EMPATHIC CONCERN AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, being careful to legitimize (rather than challenge) their reaction, and framing your decision in desire for mutual happiness. (“I’m really sorry. I totally understand that this is hurtful and you might be angry and sad. But I just want us both to be happy, and it seems to me that neither of us is really happy anymore.”)