Uses descriptive language (“I” language, fact-based statements)

“I am sensing a lot of dissatisfaction with our ideas today. What's up?”

Employs evaluative language (“You” language, judgmental statements)

“You hould quit being such a jerk.”

Takes a problem-orientation approach (open-ended questions, collaboration)

“We've noticed you haven't completed the outlines. Is something wrong?”

Uses controlling messages (attempts to change or exercise power over the other person)

“You need to do your work. If you don't, you are out of the group.”

Forms cooperative messages (honest disclosure, relevancy)

“They were good, but I find the amount of text on each slide to be overwhelming.”

Engages strategy (manipulation, dishonesty)

“It's great! Don't change a thing before the presentation.”

Demonstrates empathy (active listening, responding with support)

“I know you're upset with Taylor; I'd be frustrated, too.”

Lacks concern (neutral viewpoint, apathy)

“Look, Taylor's just like that. Get used to it.”

Conveys equality (mutual respect, open to feedback)

“How are you feeling about your tasks? Would you like me to help out?”

Shows superiority (arrogance, closed to feedback)

“Why do you have to be so helpless?”

Makes provisional assertions (open to alternatives, tentative statements)

“I know things were pretty hectic at the end of the last meeting, but I thought we agreed to discuss Ella's proposal tonight. What do you recall?”

Emphasizes certainty (rigid thinking, overgeneralizations)

“I know what was said at the last meeting. We agreed that we would discuss Ella's proposal tonight. This group is so forgetful!”