Losing face is painful for everyone involved, so maintaining face during communication is critical. For example, when Ted Allen outed Anne Burrell, she succeeded in maintaining her face by immediately acknowledging what happened and noting her commitment to her partner. What’s more, the Food Network executives helped her maintain face by making it clear that they considered her lesbian identity to be a welcome part of their diverse network.

How can you maintain your face? First, use words and actions consistent with the face you’re trying to create. If you tell members of a project team that you’re excited to hear everyone’s input, be sure to demonstrate this by actively listening when each member offers suggestions instead of tuning out and texting your friends. Second, make sure your communication meshes with others’ existing knowledge about you. If you’re giving a speech about the dangers of listening to loud music through headphones and walk into class blasting music through your earbuds, you won’t be able to maintain face. Finally, try to anticipate and manage events that could contradict your face. If you tell your dating partner that you haven’t been in contact with your ex, you won’t want a message from him or her to pop up on your Facebook wall.

Of course, everyone falls from grace on occasion. But remember, most people want you to maintain face, because your face is the positive, public “you” with whom they’re most familiar. So when something happens that causes you to lose face, promptly acknowledge that the event happened, admit responsibility for any of your actions that contributed to the event, apologize for your actions and for disappointing others, and move to maintain your face again. Apologies are fairly successful at reducing people’s negative impressions and the anger that may have been triggered—especially when such apologies avoid excuses that contradict what people know really happened (Ohbuchi & Sato, 1994). People who consistently deny their inconsistencies or who blame others for their lapses are judged much more harshly.