Empathy is among the most valuable tools for communicating more effectively with others (Campbell & Babrow, 2004). The word empathy comes from the Greek word empatheia, meaning “feeling into.” When you experience empathy, you “feel into” others’ thoughts and emotions, making an attempt to identify with them (Kuhn, 2001).

Empathy consists of two components: perspective-taking and empathic concern (Davis, 1994). Perspective-taking is the ability to see things from other people’s point of view without necessarily experiencing their emotions (Duan & Hill, 1996). Empathic concern means becoming aware of how other people are feeling and experiencing compassion for them (Stiff, Dillard, Somera, Kim, & Sleight, 1988). For example, imagine your friend John texts you that his boyfriend just broke up with him. In experiencing empathy for your friend, you would put yourself in his shoes and call to mind instances in which a romantic partner left you. Then you’d envision the emotional pain and turmoil you’ve felt on such occasions, and use these memories to feel compassion toward John.

But experiencing empathy isn’t enough. You must also convey your empathy to others. To do so, let others know you’re genuinely interested in listening to them (“I’m here to listen if you want to talk”). Tell them you think their views are valid and understandable (“I can totally understand why you would feel that way”). Express your concern about them (“I care about you and am worried that you’re not OK”). And, finally, share with them your own emotions regarding their situation (“I feel terrible that you’re going through this”).

When expressing empathy, avoid using “I know” messages (“I know just how you feel”). Even if you make such comments with kind intentions, the other person will likely be skeptical, particularly if they suspect that you don’t or can’t feel as they do. For example, when people suffer a great loss—such as the death of a loved one—many don’t believe that anyone else could feel the depth of anguish they’re experiencing. Saying “I know how you feel” isn’t helpful under these conditions. To see how you can competently display empathy, see How to Communicate: Empathy For a Group Member on pages 50–51.