Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the overall value you assign to yourself. Whereas self-awareness asks, “Who am I?” and self-concept is the answer to that question, self-esteem is the follow-up query, “Given who I am, what’s my evaluation of my worth?” Self-esteem strongly shapes your communication, relationships, and general outlook on life. People with high self-esteem report greater life satisfaction, communicate more positively with others, and experience more happiness in their relationships than do people with low self-esteem (Fox, 1997). They also show greater leadership ability, athleticism, and academic performance (Fox, 1992).

According to Self-Discrepancy Theory, your self-esteem is determined by how you compare to two mental standards (Higgins, 1987). The first standard is your ideal self— all the qualities (mental, physical, emotional, material, spiritual) you want to possess. The second standard is your ought self— the person you think others want you to be. Ought self stems from expectations of your family, friends, colleagues, and romantic partners, plus the culture you grow up in. You experience high self-esteem when your self-concept matches your ideal and ought selves (“I’m the kind of person I want to be” and “I’m the kind of person others wish me to be”). By contrast, you may suffer low self-esteem if your self-concept is inferior to your ideal and ought selves. You can work on improving your self-esteem by following these steps:

  1. Assess your self-esteem. List the beliefs, attitudes, and values that make up your self-concept. Review the list, and determine whether you view yourself positively or negatively.
  2. Analyze your ideal self. Who do you wish you were? If this ideal self is attainable, how could you become this person?
  3. Analyze your ought self. Who do others want you to be? What would you have to do to become this person?
  4. Revisit and redefine your standards. If your ideal and ought selves are realistic and reachable, move to step 5. If they’re not (e.g., you’d love to be a multimillionaire by age 20, but it’s not likely you’ll get there), redefine your standards so they are realistic and reachable. Frame your new standards as a list of goals.
  5. Create an action plan. List the actions necessary to reach your ideal and ought selves. Establish a realistic time line—perhaps several months or years. Then carry out this action plan, checking your progress as you go.

Click to view DOUBLE TAKE: IDEAL VS OUGHT SELF