Every time you communicate with others, you present a version of your self to them. Sometimes this represents who you really are; other times you may hide your true self. In either case, the self you present is the “you” people know. If you want people to see you in a certain way, it’s essential to learn how to present your self skillfully.

Anne Burrell is a rock star in the world of chefs. Easily identifiable from her shock of white-blond hair, charisma, humor, and quirkiness, she draws millions of viewers to her Food Network shows Secrets of a Restaurant Chef and Worst Cooks in America. But in May 2012, Anne’s image was challenged when writer and television personality Ted Allen outed her as a lesbian. During an interview on Sirius XM radio, host Romaine Patterson joked to Allen about Burrell, saying, “I have the biggest crush on her . . . whether or not she’s a lesbian, I don’t care.” Allen responded, “I’m not going to put a label on Anne, but she is dating a woman right now. You’ve got some competition.” Afterwards, many fans expressed surprise, noting that Burrell had never presented herself publicly as a lesbian. But Burrell herself was quick to embrace the disclosure, releasing a statement confirming her sexual orientation and noting that she is in a committed relationship with a woman. Food Network executives supported her “new” self-presentation as well, commenting, “We’re always looking to broaden the diversity of our hosts, and we work hard to find talent that has the expertise, charisma, and broad appeal necessary to work on our air.”

In addition to your private self—the combination of your self-awareness, self-concept, and self-esteem—you also have a public self: the self you present to others (Fenigstein, Scheier, & Buss, 1975). You actively create your public self through your communication and behavior.

Sometimes your private and public selves mirror each other. At other times, such as when Ted Allen outed Anne Burrell, it can seem as though your private and public selves are different. But regardless of the nature of your private self, people form impressions about you based on the public self you present. People know and judge the “you” who communicates with them—not the “you” you keep inside. Thus, managing your public self is a crucial part of being a competent communicator.