The limited amount of nonverbal information available in mediated communication, especially social media, can impact behavior in two ways: communicating in a more unconstrained or open fashion and experiencing difficulty in feeling empathy.

Online Disinhibition. When using mediated communication, especially text-only social media, people often feel free to say things—good and bad—that they’d never say to someone face-to-face. This effect is known as online disinhibition (Suler, 2004). As noted earlier, much of mediated communication is asynchronous—you don’t interact with others in real time but exchange messages that are read and responded to later. When you’re communicating asynchronously, it’s almost as if time gets magically suspended (Suler, 2004). You know you’ll get responses to your messages, but you can choose when (and whether) to view those responses. This can make you more willing to openly express emotions that you might otherwise conceal if you knew you’d get an immediate response.

Mediated communication also provides a sense of invisibility. When you’re not sharing physical space with your communication partners, you feel as if they can’t really see or hear you. This makes you feel detached from the consequences of your messages. This sense is enhanced when you use screen names or identities that aren’t traceable to your offline self.

Even if you don’t mean to, online disinhibition increases the likelihood that you will use language that is more harsh, profane, rude, and blunt than you’d normally use. Similarly, when receiving messages via social media, you should expect others to use language that is more direct and unedited than would be used when talking face-to-face.

Empathy Deficits. As Chapter 2 discusses, empathy is the ability to “feel into” others’ thoughts and emotions. When nonverbal cues are restricted, it can be hard to experience empathy. That’s because the same part of your brain that controls empathy also monitors nonverbal feedback (Goleman, 2006). During face-to-face encounters, you constantly track feedback from others, watching their facial expressions, eye contact, and gestures, and listening to their tone of voice. This feedback enables you to feel empathy for them—to imagine what they’re thinking and feeling about your communication.

When you see or hear people react negatively to something you’re saying, you can instantly modify your communication to turn the interaction in a more positive direction. So if you say to your roommate, “Hey, let’s invite all our friends over this weekend for a Game of Thrones marathon! We can watch all of season 3,” and, in response, she rolls her eyes and says, “Oh, great,” in a sarcastic tone of voice, you know to ask what’s wrong. When she expresses concerns about the work involved in hosting such an extended party, you two have the opportunity to talk it over and agree to a compromise, like inviting fewer friends for just one night to watch a movie instead.

Now consider what happens when you don’t get nonverbal feedback during communication—such as when you’re texting, e-mailing, tweeting, or posting online. If you can’t perceive others’ immediate nonverbal feedback, you can’t experience empathy and adjust your communication accordingly (Goleman, 2007). You might be confused by a WhatsApp message from your roommate saying, “oh, great ;)” to your idea about the Game of Thrones marathon. In this situation, you are less able to perspective-take—that is, to see the situation and your communication from your partner’s point of view. Is your roommate excited? Sarcastic? Annoyed?

This experience can lead to empathy deficits: a dramatic reduction in your ability to experience the other person’s feelings. Consequently, you may express yourself in blunt, tactless, and inappropriate ways—like “shouting” by using capitalized words or communicating things you’d never say over the phone or face-to-face. For example, you assume that your roommate’s text means she’s dismissing your idea for a Game of Thrones marathon, and you reply, “FINE! You don’t have to be involved!!!” Complicating matters further, people on the receiving end of your communication have the same deficit. Their online messages are less sensitive and less tactful as well, even if they don’t mean it any more than you do.