PROTECTING A FRIEND FROM HARM
CONSIDER THE DILEMMA
Aliana is your best friend on campus. She is attractive, funny, and outgoing. She’s also stubborn; once her mind is made up, she’ll do what she wants.
It’s a Friday night, and you and Aliana decide to go out dancing. You both take turns as the designated driver, and tonight is your turn to drive. Shortly after arriving at the club, Aliana is approached by a guy who asks her to dance. You figure she’ll be back after one or two songs, but a half hour passes, and she is still with him. Irritated, you signal to her, and when she walks over, she says, “OMG! He is so hot!” You, however, have a different impression. “Do you know him?” you ask, “because he seems kind of sketchy.” Aliana laughs and says, “I’ve had classes with him before—he’s fine.”
As the hours slide by, it’s clear that “Mr. Sketchy” (as you now call him) is making a serious play for your friend. Worse, you note that he’s feeding her drinks, one after the next, and she is now wasted. You decide to intervene, but when you tell her it’s time to go, she says she’s going home with Mr. Sketchy. When you tell her you don’t think that’s a good idea, Aliana snaps, “Don’t tell me what to do! You’re not my mother!” Worried about her safety, you’re uncertain about your next move.
CONNECT THE RESEARCH
Research suggests that more than one-third of college students drink heavily, and that such drinking contributes to a “hookup culture”—an environment in which students engage in risky sexual behavior with people with whom they have no relationship connection (Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000). This creates dilemmas when people wish to protect their intoxicated friends from the negative outcomes associated with such behaviors.
Researchers Lisa Menegatos, Linda Lederman, and Aaron Hess (2010) looked at college students’ verbal communication strategies for trying to stop drunken friends from hooking up with strangers. They found that college students in such situations commonly use one of three strategies to intervene (p. 383):
Persuasion: They try to convince their friend to not go home with the guy, emphasizing the potential health and social consequences, such as the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease, and the regret she’d experience in the morning.
Deception: They trick their friend into not leaving with the guy. For example, they might tell her that they’ll drive her to his house but, instead, take her to get something to eat.
Confrontation: They verbally or physically discourage their friend from leaving with the guy, by assertively telling her it’s time to leave the club or even physically removing her from the club by grabbing or carrying her, if necessary. Alternatively, they might confront the guy who is pursuing the hookup, telling him to leave her alone.
COMMUNICATE
Before making a communication choice, consider the facts of the situation, and think about what the research tells you about communicating with an intoxicated friend who is engaging in risky behavior. Also reflect on what you have learned about deception (p. 127), verbal aggression (p. 125), and verbal communication skills (pp. 115–123). Then, answer these questions:
What ethical obligation do you have to protect Aliana? What other factors about the friendship and the situation should you consider when deciding what to do next?
Of the three communication approaches researchers have identified for such a situation, which would you most likely try? What other approaches would you consider?
What would you say to Aliana next?