CONSIDER THE DILEMMA

You’re dating Casey, who is wonderful and whom you love very much. One issue, however, is Casey’s jealousy toward your ex, Jaden. You are still close friends with Jaden, and you tease each other about everything, including your relationships. This has gotten you into trouble with Casey, who recently saw a text message from Jaden to you that joked, “When are you going to dump Casey and come back to me?” Casey was livid, and the two of you got into a huge fight. Casey wanted you to end all contact with Jaden, but you convinced Casey otherwise. Even now, Casey doesn’t fully trust you and hates Jaden.

It’s Wednesday night, and Casey is working, so you head to the library to study. You send a text telling Casey this. Then you get a message from Jaden: “Huge party at my place!” You decide to skip studying and head to Jaden’s. You don’t tell Casey of your change in plans because you don’t want to trigger a fight while Casey’s at work. Jaden’s party is awesome, and you end up staying until early in the morning.

Heading home, you check your messages, only to find a missed call and voice mail from Casey. Apparently, one of Casey’s friends took photos of you and Jaden dancing at the party and posted them online. Casey is furious, saying that you lied, you can’t be trusted, and it’s over between the two of you.

CONNECT THE RESEARCH

Communication scholars Brandi Frisby and David Westerman (2010) studied conflict within romantic relationships—specifically, whether partners communicated face-to-face or through technology, and the outcomes that resulted.

Nearly two-thirds of their sample reported man-aging conflicts through technology (texts, e-mail, instant messaging, and social networking sites). The most common tool was texting; more than half of the sample dealt with conflicts this way, usually because of a lack of proximity and the convenience of texting.

Although participants commonly used technology to manage their conflicts, they also realized the superiority of dealing with conflicts face-to-face. People reported that face-to-face conflict “is so much better” because you can see the person and read his or her nonverbal communication. As one person described, “I want to know how the other person feels with their facial expressions” (Frisby & Westerman, 2010, p. 975).

The choice of medium for communicating about conflict substantially influenced the approaches to conflict, as well as subsequent outcomes. People who chose to manage conflicts via technology were more likely to compete. In contrast, people who met face-to-face chose collaboration and were substantially happier with their relationships afterwards.

COMMUNICATE

Before making a communication choice, consider the facts of the situation, and think about the research on technology and conflict. Also, reflect on what you’ve learned so far about conflict approaches (pp. 190–197) and escalation (pp. 194–195). Then answer these questions:

If you were Casey, would you have interpreted the situation in the same way? How would you have responded?

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What challenges do you face in reaching out to Casey and explaining your side of the story? How can they be overcome?

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What are you going to do?

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