It’s not easy to resolve conflicts. There are powerful barriers that get in the way and they are often ones you create: blaming others but not yourself, using words as weapons, and failing to recognize cultural differences. Overcoming such challenges will help you improve your conflict-management skills.

On Degrassi: The Boiling Point, Holly J and Declan are struggling to make their long-distance romance work. Then, while visiting Declan’s sister, Fiona, Holly J sees Facebook photos of Declan and another girl on Fiona’s computer. One even includes the girl kissing Declan’s cheek. “He’s cheating on me!” Holly J concludes. Furious, she confronts him, only to find that the girl is a friend, and the kiss happened during a birthday party. Later, when Declan abruptly ends a Skype session, Holly J can clearly hear a girl’s voice in the background of his room. Rather than talk with him about it, she selects a time when she knows he won’t pick up his phone and leaves a voice-mail message breaking up with him. When Declan subsequently surprises her by visiting, Holly J discovers that “the affair” has all been in her mind; the conflict between her and Declan was fueled by her misperceptions.

By this point, you might think that constructive conflict management is simple. You adopt a collaborative approach and work with those involved to forge healthy compromises, satisfying integrative agreements, and positive structural improvements. But it’s not that easy. Instead, like the conflict between Holly J and Declan on Degrassi, a wide range of barriers keeps us from choosing effective approaches. Three of the toughest barriers are attributional errors, destructive messages, and cultural differences.