Another factor that compels you to pursue relationships with others is their resources—the valued qualities people possess. Resources range from personality traits and physical skills to social status and material wealth. Most people consider certain resources—such as a sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, supportiveness, and whether the person seems fun—to be valuable regardless of gender or sexual orientation (Felmlee et al., 2010).

What leads you to view a particular person’s resources as desirable? According to social exchange theory, you’ll feel drawn to individuals who offer you substantial benefits (positive things you like and want) with few costs (negative things demanded of you in return). So, you’ll be interested in a potential lover who is smart, is attractive, has lots of money, and knows many interesting people, as long as this person isn’t also jealous, demanding, possessive, and untrustworthy. In addition, social exchange theory predicts that you will pursue a particular relationship with someone if you think that person offers you rewards you believe you deserve, but only if those rewards seem better than rewards you can get elsewhere (Kelley & Thibaut, 1978). For example, in choosing which neighbor to befriend in your apartment complex, you’re more likely to pursue a relationship with one who is funny and friendly than one who is aloof.