The final relational dialectic is the tension between people’s need for excitement and change and their need for stability—known as novelty versus predictability. We all like the security that comes with knowing how our lovers, family members, friends, and coworkers will behave, how we’ll behave, and how our relationships will unfold. For example, romances are more successful when partners act in predictable ways that reduce uncertainty (Berger & Bradac, 1982). However, predictability can also trigger boredom. As you get to know people better, the excitement you felt when the relationship was new wears off, and things can start to feel boring. Reconciling the desire for predictability with the need for novelty is one of the most profound emotional challenges facing relationship partners, especially those involved in romances.

No one perfect solution exists for maintaining a balance between novelty and predictability. But your best bet for dealing with this dialectic is to share novel experiences with your partner—activities that keep your relationship from growing stale. For example, you might go on an adventurous vacation once a year that requires learning new skills together, such as scuba diving. Or you might seek out different activities to share with a friend or sibling, such as hiking, a road trip, or a baking class. Regardless of the particulars, the key is exposure to interesting, new experiences that you can share with each other.