Self-disclosure can create positive outcomes, including a sense of trust and increased intimacy. But it also brings with it challenges, such as how to avoid feeling vulnerable, and how to retain a sense of your separate self as you get closer to others. Learning how to resolve such tensions is critical for maintaining healthy, happy interpersonal relationships.

As you engage in relationships, competing impulses or tensions often arise in your feelings toward your relational partners. These tensions are known as relational dialectics (Baxter, 1990). For example, you may want to “bare your soul” to your partners, but you don’t want to be vulnerable. Or, though you want to feel close, you also want to remain independent. Sometimes you want your partners to be predictable, but then again, you don’t want things to get boring. Such dialectics aren’t necessarily bad for relationships; rather, they occur naturally as you become more intimate. At the same time, competently managing these tensions will help you better sustain your relationships.

Relational dialectics take three common forms: openness versus protection, autonomy versus connection, and novelty versus predictability. Let’s consider how each develops and how you can deal with them.