Overview

The winter holidays are a big deal in your family. It’s like there’s a contest to see how many generations can jam themselves into your parents’ tiny home. As you catch a quiet moment in your bedroom to e-mail your roommate stories about the outrageously funny things one of your aunts has said this afternoon, there’s a knock at your door.

It’s two of your grandparents, Grandpa Dan and Grandma Rose. They explain that they’ve been talking about how family members communicate with each other. Specifically, they’re at odds over e-mail versus handwritten letters.

Grandpa Dan recently retired from his job in the automotive industry, where he worked as an engineer. He worked with computers since the early days of mainframes and punch cards, so it’s no surprise that he favors e-mail. “It’s more efficient,” he claims. “It’s also quicker. I can type an e-mail to one of my grandkids, hit Send, and get a response back in the time it’d take me to find a stamp.”

“It’s not my fault you forget where you put the stamps,” Grandma Rose retorts. “They’re the same place where they’ve always been, in the kitchen drawer by the microwave.” Grandpa rolls his eyes. “Saw that,” Grandma Rose adds.

“Quick and easy doesn’t mean good,” Grandma Rose explains. “A handwritten letter says ‘I care.’ A handwritten letter means I thought you were important enough to take the time to find the stationery, find an envelope — and stamp — and sit down and write it out longhand. I have beautiful handwriting. Everyone says so. Letters can be works of art if they’re done right. E-mail … every e-mail looks the same. Mechanical.”

“Don’t start about handwriting. That’s a red herring,” Grandpa Dan replies, with frustration in his voice. “I spent the first ten years of my career hunched over a drafting board. I have impeccable lettering skills. But times change.”

Grandpa Dan turns to you and asks you to explain that e-mail is simply better at communicating with family members. You can tell from the look in Grandma’s eyes that the answer can’t be that simple. You do think her handwritten letters, one of which you’ve received every two weeks like clockwork since you started college, are cherished works of art. You’ve kept every one. But part of you agrees with Grandpa — you like the fact that you get an e-mail from him two or three times a week. They’re usually brief, often just a forwarded bad joke someone e-mailed him, but you like the sense of contact.

You explain to both of them that it’s a complicated issue. You propose an experiment: You’re going to play devil’s advocate to both sides of the argument by writing Grandpa Dan a handwritten letter explaining the benefits of that medium and one or two e-mail messages to Grandma Rose providing arguments for that side of the debate. Maybe that will help them reach a compromise, maybe even consider branching out from their preferred mode of communication once in a while so they can enjoy the benefits of their less preferred method.