When you share private information with others, you open up your innermost self to them. Such sharing, known as self-disclosure, is the foundation for intimacy in a relationship. But it’s not as simple as “sharing equals closeness.” Instead, you must know what, why, and when to disclose in order to build happy and enduring relationships.

In season 2 of the award-winning Showtime series The Affair (Steve’s favorite show), Cole and Luisa become romantically involved. Cole is a “local boy” who grew up in Montauk, Long Island. Following the death of his young son, Cole’s wife, Alison, leaves him to pursue “the affair” that gives the show its name. Luisa is an Ecuadoran immigrant who meets Cole while working in Montauk as a bartender and housekeeper. A few weeks into their relationship, Luisa discloses her true feelings—telling Cole, “Te Amo” (I love you). Still struggling with the emotional aftermath of losing both son and wife, Cole responds, “What did you say!?” then walks out of the room. Later, when Luisa confronts him as to why he reacted the way he did, Cole says, “Do you want muffins? I’m starving!” and then picks a fight with her, accusing her of stealing money. She is so offended by the accusation that she leaves. That night, fearful of losing yet another person he loves, Cole seeks Luisa out and shares his feelings:

It’s been awhile since I’ve had someone I care about, so I wanted to come here and apologize. I was trying to hurt you; I was trying to get you out of my house; and as soon as you walked out that door, I wanted you back. Look, I can’t promise that I’ll be the best thing that ever happens to you, but I promise that I will never hurt you like that again, and I am good for my word, Luisa, you can ask anyone! There’s one other thing: Te amo tambien (I love you too). (Season 2, Episode 7)

We’ve all been in situations in which people have shared information with us that clarified who they are and how they feel. Similarly, we’ve all had the experience of feeling compelled to seek people out and share with them our innermost selves. Such instances illustrate the essential role of interpersonal communication in creating and sustaining relationships. When people disclose their innermost thoughts to each other, they forge a strong emotional bond, and sometimes, like Cole and Luisa, find their way to the realization of mutual love.