Researchers have conducted thousands of self-disclosure studies over the last 40 years (Tardy & Dindia, 1997). These studies suggest five important facts about self-disclosure. First, self-disclosure appears to promote mental health and relieve stress (Tardy, 2000). When information is especially troubling, keeping it inside can lead to obsessing about the secret, as you constantly monitor what you say so you don’t disclose it (Kelly & McKillop, 1996). This can raise stress levels, causing immune-system problems, ulcers, and high blood pressure (Pennebaker, 1997).

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Second, people self-disclose more during online interactions than during face-to-face exchanges. During most online encounters, you can’t see the people with whom you’re interacting, so you don’t notice the consequences of your disclosures (Joinson, 2001). As a result, online interactions and relationships can seem more intimate than they really are. Even when you can see others—via Skype, webcam, or videoconference—the quality of the video or delays in the streaming can make it difficult to accurately perceive their responses. As Chapter 3 discusses, you can better manage your online interactions by remembering the three Ps of mediated communication—that it is powerful, public, and permanent (see pp. 73–74).

Third, despite common beliefs, little evidence exists supporting the stereotype that men can’t share their feelings in relationships. In close same-sex friendships, for example, both men and women disclose deeply and broadly (Shelton et al., 2010). In cross-sex romantic involvements, men often disclose at levels equal to or greater than those of their female partners (Canary, Emmers-Sommer, & Faulkner, 1997). However, studies do suggest that both men and women feel more comfortable disclosing to females than to males (Dindia & Allen, 1992).

Fourth, in all cultures, people vary widely in the degree to which they self-disclose. Some people naturally share more of their thoughts and feelings, whereas others don’t (Jourard, 1964). Trying to force someone with a different idea of self-disclosure to match your style—for example, to open up or to share less information—not only is unethical but also can damage the relationship by causing resentment (Luft, 1970).

Fifth, different cultures have distinct overall patterns for self-disclosure. For instance, individuals of Asian descent tend to disclose less than do people of European ancestry (Barnlund, 1975). In fact, Euro-Americans generally tend to disclose more frequently than do almost any other cultural group, including Asians, Hispanics, and African Americans (Klopf, 2001).