Language enables you to convey meaning to others in two ways. The first is the literal meaning of your words, as agreed on by members of your culture. These are known as denotative meanings. Such meanings are what you find in dictionaries; for example, family means “a group of individuals related through common ancestry, legal means, or other strong emotional or social bonds.”

But the word family evokes different meanings for different people. Some may hear the word and immediately think, “Individuals I can count on for love and support.” Others may hear it and think, “People who are always judging me!” Such variations represent connotative meanings—the meanings you associate with words based on your life experiences. What does the word family mean to you?

Denotative and connotative meanings can create confusion if you don’t manage them carefully. For example, suppose your friend aces an exam that you flunked. You text her, “I hate u!” The denotative meaning suggests you feel hatred toward your friend. But the connotative meaning—your real message—is “I’m envious but proud of you.” If you and your friend have a history of communicating with each other in this way, your friend will probably read your message as you intend. But with a person you don’t know as well, an “I hate u!” text could backfire. To use verbal communication competently, choose your words carefully and clarify connotative meanings if there’s a chance someone could misunderstand your message.

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