Even though people use language all the time to verbally communicate, not everyone does so skillfully. Knowing the difference between words that are understandable, inclusive, and respectful, and those that aren’t—and putting this knowledge to use when speaking with others—is essential to competent verbal communication.

While attending his nephew’s graduation ceremony at the University of Washington, Steve expected to hear a formulaic keynote address extolling “the importance of being successful” and “having a competitive edge.” But William Gates Sr.—father of Microsoft billionaire Bill Gates and cochair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation—didn’t give the usual graduation speech. Instead, he said, “My favorite axiom is this: ‘We are all in this together.’” He talked about how important family and friendships are for life happiness. Then he broadened his discussion to global citizenship: “Citizenship means that we behave according to the belief that every person matters just as much as every other person.” As Gates spoke, the crowd quieted. Students and parents alike stopped texting and chatting and began listening. At the climax of his speech, Gates declared:

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People suffering in poverty are human beings. They are not national security assets. They are not markets for our exports. . . . They are human beings who have infinite worth in their own right without any reference to us. They have mothers who love them, children who need them, and friends who cherish them, and we simply ought to help them.²

² Speech excerpt from Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation (2010).

When he finished, 43,000 students and family members rose to give a standing ovation. Immediately after, people in the stadium began texting and chatting again. But this time, their messages and comments were uniform: “That was an amazing speech!”

Undoubtedly, the profound nature of Gates’s topic helped make his speech memorable. But a person can talk about important things in vague, wordy, or distorted ways that make listeners tune out. In Gates’s case, it was his choice of words that created the biggest impact: understandable, honest, and inclusive language that crossed gender and cultural boundaries. Gates made an audience of thousands feel as though they were joined together in something bigger and better than simply sitting in a stadium, listening to a speech.

How can you harness the power of language in similar ways when you communicate verbally? Try four things: (1) create understandable messages; (2) use “I” and “we” language; (3) avoid gender-based presumptions; and (4) be mindful of cultural differences.