When you’re in the middle of a conflict, it seems to last forever. But conflicts do end. The approach you choose for dealing with a conflict affects not only your future communication with those involved but also the speed with which your conflict will conclude and the type of ending that will occur.
As described in our chapter opener, when Steve and his sons go old school and bust out the Risk game every holiday season, conflicts are guaranteed to arise—and not just between the armies on the board! These conflicts take many forms. Some are enduring, as when Steve and Kyle got so irked with each other that they spent the entire evening attacking each other, back and forth, until they had destroyed both of their respective armies. Others are brief: as when, during one game, Conor violated an alliance he had forged with Colin by suddenly attacking him, angering Colin so much that he abruptly quit the game, left the room, and forfeited his territories. Most conflicts, however, reach some sort of conclusion. And since conflicts usually occur between people who are close—whether group members, friends, lovers, family members, or coworkers—these conclusions are necessary for the relationships to continue (Benoit & Benoit, 1990; Malis & Roloff, 2006). The approach used to manage a conflict directly determines how it will end. Most conflicts end in one of five ways: separation, domination, compromise, integrative agreements, or structural improvements (Peterson, 2002).