Sometimes conflicts end with structural improvements: the parties involved change their relationship rules to prevent further disputes. For example, Steve and his wife, Kelly, used to fight whenever he neglected to tell Kelly about Facebook messages he received from his ex, Michelle. After several clashes (“You should have told me she messaged you!”), they created a new agreement: Whenever Michelle contacts Steve, he must tell Kelly. Now they both know the ground rules regarding Michelle’s messages, and this prevents further arguments.

In structural improvement cases, the conflict itself becomes a vehicle for reshaping relationships in positive ways—clarifying rules (as with Steve and Kelly), improving the balance of power, or redefining expectations about who will play what roles (for instance, members of a student organization deciding to divide authority between co-presidents after two candidates tie in the presidential election). But as with compromise and integrative agreements, you and others can arrive at structural improvements only by choosing to manage your conflicts through collaboration.