Although there’s no set rule for how relationships progress, most go through certain stages, marked by differences in communication and intimacy. These turning points provide a sense of where the relationship is going. Sometimes these are positive—such as when good friends become best friends. Other times they’re less pleasant, such as when you break off a romance. Knowing about these stages will help you recognize the status of your own relationships and communicate better within them.

Think back to The Bachelor TV show, which we discussed in our chapter opener. On that show, relationships between the women and the man grow closer or further apart depending on what each learns about the other and how they perceive their interactions. Relationships among the female contestants also change, evolving into strong friendships or unraveling into heated conflicts depending on how they communicate with each other.

In those regards, The Bachelor mirrors real life. As people spend more time together communicating and interacting, relationships develop as well as decay. Most relationships—including romantic, family, friendships, and workplace involvements—go through various stages. At each stage, the partners’ communication, thoughts, and feelings demonstrate distinctive patterns. Communication scholar Mark Knapp (1984) identified 10 relationship stages, 5 of them related to “coming together” and 5 of them related to “coming apart.”