Interpersonal communication is relational because it builds bonds with others—easing the distance that naturally arises from differences between people. Philosopher Martin Buber (1965) argued that you can make that distance seem “thinner” by embracing the fundamental similarities that connect you with others, trying to see things from others’ points of view, and communicating with honesty and kindness. You don’t have to agree with everything another person says and does, but you do need to approach that individual with an open mind, giving the person the same attention and respect you expect for yourself. According to Buber, only then can you build a meaningful relationship with that person. When you forge relationships in this way, you view your connections to others as I-Thou.

Contrast this with when people focus on their differences with others, refuse to accept or even acknowledge others’ viewpoints as legitimate, and communicate in ways that emphasize their own supposed superiority over others. This approach views interpersonal connections with others as I-It—regarding people as “objects which we observe, that are there for our use and exploitation” (Buber, 1965, p. 24). The more you see others as objects, the more likely you’ll communicate with them in disrespectful, manipulative, or exploitative ways. By treating others this way, you can’t build meaningful, healthy relationships with them.