Chapter 4. John’s Case: Acing Tests and Buying Guitars

Client Name: John

Age: 20 years old

Gender: Male

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Occupation: College student

Current living situation: I live in an off-campus apartment with my roommate.

Why are you seeking services at our clinic? My parents brought me here. They say they are worried about me. I’m not sure why they are freaking out so much. I feel like I have had a personality transplant. I do not feel like myself, and I am having a hard time concentrating, but I don’t think I am as sick as my parents think I am.

John: [speaking very quickly] My parents made me come. I don’t really know why. The only thing I can think of is [pauses]… I feel like I’ve had a complete personality transplant, maybe in like the last few weeks or so. I don’t think I’m a super creative or original person, but all of the sudden I have, like, so many ideas about ways I could improve my life... ideas for new projects.... [interrupts himself] like, I had this awesome idea! I am going to start a business buying and selling musical equipment on Craigslist. So I bought a bunch of old guitars online. I’m going to fix them up and resell them for a profit. Problem is... I used my credit card to buy them… and my parents found out because they get the bill. [turns to parents, somewhat angrily] They don’t believe in me at all! They can’t see what a great idea this is! I was going to fix them up before they got the bill, but then I got an even better idea! I was watching TV late one night... I don’t really need much sleep these days... and I saw this great opportunity! I could become an online advertising salesrep! I had to pony up a bit more cash up front for that, so I put that on the credit card too, but it’s totally fine… totally... I know it’s a “sure thing” and I’ll be able to make this money back and then some before the next payment is due.

Mom: [quietly with concern] We are really concerned. John has been acting strangely lately. And then we got the bill for the credit card we cosigned for John – and this was for emergencies only! And the bill was over $2,500!

Dad: [jumps in, sounding incredulous] He spent over $1000 online for these old guitars. When I asked him about it, he told me he was going to refurbish them and resell them for a profit. Now, John has always enjoyed playing the guitar as a hobby, and he’s pretty darn good at it, but he has never actually refurbished anything. I don’t even think he owns any tools!

Mom: [breaking in] And then the online advertising thing!

Dad: That was another $1,500! He tried to tell us it was a “sure thing”; that he would have a profit before the payment was due. Well, it’s due tomorrow, and he has yet to bring in a cent!

Mom: [upset] He was always so careful with money in the past. What’s happening, John?

John: [speaking quickly and sounding annoyed] None! I really don’t understand why I am here. Other people have a problem, not me. Everyone else is moving in slow motion … I don’t have time to wait around for them to “get it.” Why can’t they just keep up? Why can’t they just believe in me? I told Calvin ... he’s my roommate … my ideas about the guitars, and he was such a jerk about it– he kept pointing out things he said could go wrong. And mom and dad don’t understand me – they even asked if I am on drugs! [contemptuous] On drugs! Don’t you guys even trust me? Don’t you get that I’m finally seeing the world clearly?

Mom: [trying to be empathetic and sensible] Calvin says that you are talking a mile a minute! He said it seems like you’re having a hard time getting all of your ideas out. Calvin is really worried about you, John. He is worried that you are wasting your money!

Dad: [breaking into back up Mom] You were talking so fast, son! I could barely understand what you were saying… your words were all garbled. You were just not making sense. It sounded like you were on drugs! Something is going on, John.

John: [excited] School is going great! I’m not worried about my grades. I’ll ace the tests without going to class... I don’t need to do any of those worthless assignments. I tried going to class, but it’s just so boring... [interrupts himself] not to mention a huge waste of time! I could be making money! My friends keep giving me a hard time about it, but they’re just jealous of my ideas and how quickly I can learn things!

John: I don’t get tired any more. I don’t need to sleep. I’m sleeping, like … 2 or 3 hours a night and I wake up feeling great and ready to go! …to work on my next project!

Dad: His roommate told us that John is up most of the night and claims he is not tired. What do you mean you’re not tired? That can’t be healthy! John, you’re going to get even sicker if you don’t get enough sleep!

John: I don’t remember. I guess I was depressed once in high school. I can hardly remember that now. I really feel great now!

Mom: I’ve always been a little concerned that John was too sensitive. He used to worry about small things all the time. And then when he was 17…

Dad: [breaking into finish Mom’s sentence] ... that girl broke his heart.

Mom: [sadly, reminiscing] He had been dating her for an entire year. Then she broke it off out of the blue and started dating another boy within a few weeks. John tried so hard to get her back. He left her multiple voicemails and text messages every day. She broke his heart. He just seemed so down. He stopped hanging out with his friends … he always had an excuse not to go to events or parties when they invited him out. He had no appetite and lost weight … something like 15 pounds in only a couple of months. I was so worried about him… John, you looked like you were wasting away.

Dad: We tried to get him to see the doctor.

Mom: Or to talk to someone like you … like a counselor. But he wouldn’t hear of it!

Dad: After a few months, he got over it. He started hanging out with his friends again.

Mom: [reminiscing, smiling] It was so nice to see him laugh and smile again! I was so relieved it was over.

Dad: I was glad he finally got over that girl. She wasn’t worth all that, son.

John: I have a sister, 6 years younger and a little brother, 8 years younger than I am. They’re pretty cool. Growing up, you guys seemed like you didn’t have time for me.

Dad: [a little defensively] Well, we sure didn’t plan to have kids as quickly as we did. We weren't really ready to start a family.

Mom: John was certainly a surprise. We were married – of course! I quit my Master’s program when I had John. When he was two, I had to get a part-time job as an accountant to help out and ended up staying there. Sometimes, I regret that I wasn’t able to finish my degree. But I loved being able to spend time with my kids when they were younger.

Dad: And because I work in the banking industry, we do fine, now. But those first few years were tough.

Mom: After 5 years or so, we felt okay having more kids. I feel like we were able to be much better parents then. I sometimes feel guilty about how difficult things were during your childhood, John.

John: We’re really close. I usually call them at least once a week… I guess I haven’t lately … I’ve just been too busy with all my projects. Still, I don’t understand why they had to jump in the car and drive 2 hours just because my roommate Calvin called them. [To his parents] I mean, c’mon! Don’t you guys trust me anymore?

Mom: In school, John was generally an A/B student. He was uncomfortable being the center of attention - he didn’t speak up in class much, but he was very conscientious about his school assignments and rarely missed a day of school.

Dad: He had several close friends. He’s known these kids since kindergarten. They all hung out together in high school, too.

John: Not that I know of. My family is awesome. I mean … who isn’t a little nuts? Wait, seriously… wasn’t Grandpa a little crazy?

Mom: [nodding in agreement] My father did have had a lot of trouble with mental problems. He was diagnosed with… [searching for the correct word] what do they call it now… it was called manic-depression… yes, bipolar disorder… I think when he was in his 30’s. He had to be hospitalized. He was on medication, but he stopped taking it sometimes, and then it would be really hard to be around him.

Dad: He had an episode like this around the time John was born.

Mom: It was almost too much for me at the time. It made our lives so stressful, taking care of a young child and trying to care for Dad.

Dad: [agreeing] Those years were really tough.

Mom: I’ve always wondered if John is so shy and serious and melancholy because things were so stressful those first few years.

John: [raising his voice] They don’t need to leave the room – I want them to hear this! I don’t see how that matters! I am just seeing the world more clearly, and if I go to parties, so what? I’m in college! And Calvin didn’t have any right to call my parents to have them come get me just because he thinks I’m doing drugs. I’m so frustrated with them all. This really ticks me off! Can’t they just leave me alone and let me work on my projects? They’re getting in the way of me making money. I only came here because I feel like I didn’t have a choice… I was sure it would be a huge waste of time. I was obviously right about that one, just like I’m usually right about everything else!

Dad: Your roommate has some real concerns. He says he found you in a separate room at that party on Friday night hanging out with people who are known drug users.

Mom: Calvin said he tried to get you to leave the party with him. He said that you became angry and physically threatened him! Really, John David! I did not raise you to be violent, and Calvin is your friend!

Dad: Calvin called us because he was worried. He said that we should come and get John. Calvin is a good friend, John. That’s a real man who looks out for his friends.

Mom: And then we drive all the way here, and John, you didn’t even get back until all hours of the morning. Where were you? What were you doing, John?

Dad: We made an appointment with the family physician. We are taking him there tomorrow to get him checked out. We had his bags all packed when he finally graced us with his presence at whatever hour of the morning that was. We’re very worried about you, son.

It was the summer before my junior year of high school. I would sleep for an hour a night. And my mind was just constantly racing. It was like a TV screen, but the channels were just flipping and flipping and flipping and flipping.

I just reached these euphoric highs where I felt like I was on top of the world, where nothing could stop me, nothing could bring me down. Then, I would have this depression, the lowest of the low. So it was just this kind of monstrosity of ever-changing emotions.

MAN: This is the area into which someone will be brought when they're brought by the police.

RACHEL: Yeah.

MAN: Under what's called Section 136 of the Mental Health Act.

RACHEL: Why would someone with bipolar need to be sectioned?

MAN: There's a huge variety of severities so this condition. They might be overactive, have all sorts of grandiose of unfeasible plans and schemes, and because there's the loss of judgment, the person will typically not necessarily realize that they're unwell and needing treatment. Sometimes the only way, then, to persuade, or to get the person to have adequate treatment is to take away their freedom and detain them. Section them.

RACHEL: I know how hard it was for me at the time, but I wanted to find out what it was like for my sister Nicola, as she was the one who had to sign the papers to have Dad sectioned. How old was you?

NICOLA: 20.

RACHEL: Yeah. And you had to sign Dad in, didn't you?

NICOLA: I did, because obviously I was his next of kin, cause he and my mom were divorced. And obviously it's horrible, because you don't want to see your dad having to go into hospital, but that was the last resort. We all said at that time we was going to agree.

We wouldn't tell him who signed the papers or nothing, so I don't know who told him, but somebody told him that I signed him in, and he was just very hostile towards me. He was looking at me like he just wanted to kill me.

RACHEL: It affected your relationship with him for quite a long time, didn't it?

NICOLA: Well, he didn't start talking to me properly, or have any, like, interest in me probably until I was about 28. He always made it feel that, oh, I can't have a laugh with Nicola, because she may get me sectioned.

RACHEL: Do you feel guilty, anyway?

NICOLA: It made you feel guilty soon as you did it, but I just have to be strong and just say I did it for the right reasons. Just where would he be now if he wasn't sectioned?

RACHEL: Certainly I don't think he--

NICOLA: Would he be alive?

RACHEL: Yes, I think--

NICOLA: Would he have anything left to his name? Would he be wrapped around a tree because of the way he drives? Would someone else have hurt him because of the way he was antagonizing people? What would have happened?

RACHEL: Yeah.

NICOLA: Because there he's invincible. When he's manic, he's invincible. He's dominated my whole life for-- 18-- 12 years. 12 years he's dominated it, like just for me worrying about him. But I have to be honest. Like, he's not worried about me. He's not worried about how my life is going. He doesn't care. But at the end of the day, I love my dad, and I'll never stop loving him, but if I ever got here, would he do the same for me? But I don't do it for him to do it for me.

RACHEL: You know what? You-- I'm proud of you for taking on that responsibility, and all these years. I couldn't be as strong as you.