Bipolar Disorder: A Family Portrait

MAY HOWARD: You can't tell by looking at this photograph that this is the face of mental illness, because we all look so so Catholic. This is me when I was 17. These are my parents in their engagement party. Our family was called the crazies, because my mom had bipolar and my dad had bipolar and my sister.

My dad was a very hard working pathologist. He got laid off when he was 40 from a Catholic hospital in Savannah. An outside source went and talked to the nuns and they decided to let him go. And it was because he had bipolar, or manic depression then.

You know, if he couldn't be a doctor then he didn't want to be anything. He died when I was 29.

KATE HOWARD: The word is a very powerful thing. You can wreck people's lives by talking about them.

MAY HOWARD: It was just devastating as a kid to feel like the neighbors were all watching. And I still feel like today, if I lived there, I'd be judged because of my parent's mental health and probably now, my own. I think the hardest time that I had was my initial knowledge that I had the disease, because I'd seen it my whole life and I had been scared of it my whole life. And then here it comes. and it got me.

These are art pieces called Indian mandalas. A mandala is like a positive affirmation, or a prayer, that if you send out to a particular person, then good will come to you. I learned about art therapy when I was a psych major in college. It's very calming and soothing and it just helps you feel better.

These are my medications that I take for my bipolar disorder. It really helps reduce the cycles of my illness and it helps keep me stable. I would be so dysfunctional without my medication. I can't even imagine what my life would be like.

ROCK HOWARD: There are certain people who have an extra rhythm to their life. One that's not just getting up and going to bed, but it's a longer rhythm of for weeks at a time feeling very good or very bad and cycling through that. And it seems to be more pronounced in everybody in our family.

MAY HOWARD: The depression comes on rather suddenly each time. It's like a leaden paralysis. My limbs feel heavy and I feel like I'm paralyzed. I'll sleep for 20 hours a day for days on end. When I'm feeling manic, all my senses go full throttle. I do things like sit in the car and listen to the radio. I hear the words so much better and everything is profound and has more meaning. I stop thinking rationally. I spend a lot of money, like $300 or $400 a pop. And it's just devastating.

My disorder is bipolar 1, which means that I have had a psychotic break.

ROCK HOWARD: The main thing that you notice when someone's in a psychotic episode is their memory starts to not work right. And then you start to realize that they're having trouble just remembering minute to minute what's going on.

MAY HOWARD: I was seeing things that weren't there. I was creating things that weren't there. And it was just all an illusion.

KATE HOWARD: It was horrible, heartbreaking. I didn't know what to do. At one point, she didn't recognize me. She just was not May.

MAY HOWARD: We're going to see my sister, Anna. Anna also has bipolar. I think that I've always understood her and tried to oversee her care. But I think now that we have to struggle with the same disease, I think it does bring a stronger bond.

ANNA HOWARD: May!

MAY HOWARD: Hi, sweety.

ANNA HOWARD: It's so good to see you as usual.

MAY HOWARD: You too. These are for you.

ANNA HOWARD: Oh, those are lovely.

The lady you may have heard a little bit about is my best friend. She's been so encouraging and so loving, and so giving.

Being with May is a good haven for my soul.

MAY HOWARD: I love you, Anna.

ANNA HOWARD: You had faith in me. You saw what I couldn't see. You looked beyond what others had branded me to be. You looked beyond the stigma and see the pain I bore. You touch my heart in such a way that I feel love once more.

MAY HOWARD: I've always been a loving person and try and be genuine and caring. You know, the more I give out, the more I feel like I get that back.

ROCK HOWARD: These kinds of problems do not mean you can't have a life that's happy. It's part of the price we pay for having these wonderful, advanced brains that allow us to live and enjoy life as we do. It just doesn't always work as we would like all the time.

KATE HOWARD: It's amazing to me that she can stay so positive with all that she's had to deal with.

MAY HOWARD: I know the people that stand behind me. And my family has been incredibly supportive. It's been a long struggle and I think I'm on the better end of it. You know, I have people that care about me and food to eat and a place to live and lots of support. You know, that says a lot.