Overcoming Depression Through Behavioral Activation
[MUSIC PLAYING]
GRACE KIM: My name is Grace Kim. I'm 26 years old. I thought I was pretty worthless as a child. I had no friends. I had no relationship with my family. At one point, I was reflecting on my life, and I tried to remember the best day of my life, and there really was none.
I decided that I deserved one last day. I just went down to San Francisco. I rode a cable car for the first time. It all just kind of clicked in my head. I had been letting myself live in depression for 20 years. From that day on, I decided to really put thought into my life and live it the exact way I want to live it.
I created this project where I wrote all the things I've ever wanted to do. And I pick them out of a jar at random, and no matter what it is, I force myself to do it. Going into every day and trying to make the best has really given me everything.
Mom, this is for table 10.
MOTHER: Table 10? OK, thank you.
GRACE KIM: As a child, I was very detached from my mom. We didn't speak much at all. She had no idea what my personality was like. I was just this quiet, weird person that she took care of. She mostly worked throughout the day, and then right before she came home, I would pretend I was asleep.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
I just didn't want anything to do with people for most of my life. I just internalized everything, and I would only talk if I wanted basic needs, like I need something for school or I need to eat something. And I just withdrew into myself. I really lived without any hope. I didn't know what the point was, and I thought my whole life would just be about suffering.
Since I knew I was gay since I was a kid, I was just depressed, and I carried it on all throughout my high school years. I somehow managed to get into college, and I was thinking maybe it could be a new start for me. But it was the exact same thing, because nothing really changed about me. It was just my environment that changed.
And so I really thought everything was so pointless, everything my parents kind of taught me growing up, what the world says is important, and all I did was crave experiences and people in my life. I didn't know how to attain those things, so I decided I was going to kill myself once I graduated.
I remember I had the mix of 100 different pills, but I decided to do one last favor for myself, and just give myself one good day. I was just trying to appreciate the sky for one last time, and I saw some words scribbled on the bench next to me. And it said, there's beauty in everything. It's up to you to see it. And it kind of just hit me.
I was living with depression for so long, and I never took time to appreciate anything in my life. I realized the sky never looked so beautiful to me before that day. But the sky always looks the same. It's just that I decided to appreciate everything that one day. And because of it, it was the best day of my life.
I wrote out all the things I've ever wanted to do in life, and I put them in the jar. Every day, before I leave my house, I pick one at random, force myself to do it, and I have the best day of my life every day.
First task I drew was to hit on a girl for the first time. But since this is my first video, I decided to start with a bang. Instead of one girl, I went for 100. And instead of hitting on them, I asked them to marry me with a Ring Pop proposal.
Hey, guys. This week my task was to act out my favorite movie scene, which happens to be the paintball scene from "10 Things I Hate About You." Don't judge me.
WOMAN: You got it. It's good.
GRACE KIM: This is enough. Best Day Project.
MOTHER: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
GRACE KIM: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
MOTHER: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
GRACE KIM: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
This is my Veronica.
VERONICA: You don't own me. No, she does.
GRACE KIM: Well, this is my wife, Veronica.
I went through life not really having feelings for anyone, because I've trained my brain to not like girls, until I met Veronica. I couldn't help myself. It was like the easiest thing I've ever done. Like getting into a warm bed at the end of a hard day, it was just so natural.
Just feeling really close to another human being, I've never felt that before, I guess, to this point, and just having a best friend around all the time. Everything is a little more fun when you have someone to share it with.
I'm just trying to stuff the scared feelings down with this food. It's just chicken salad. Because I don't know, I don't think it's hit me yet. I'm going to be jumping off of a cliff and just hoping that I don't die.
Want some coffee? Let's go.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
MOTHER: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MAN: Ta-da! Over here, let's check this side. Tucked in, locked, good to go. All right, I think we're ready.
Fly!
GRACE KIM: [LAUGHS]
When I was a child, I couldn't imagine having the life I have now. I am just growing every day. I am gaining courage. I'm realizing nothing in life is that scary. It's just the idea of something that's usually scary. And I'm happy now.