Chapter 42.

Introduction

Student Video Activities for Abnormal Psychology
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You must read each slide, and complete any questions on the slide, in sequence.

Eli Finkel on Romantic Relationships

Authors: Ronald J. Comer, Princeton University and Jonathan S. Comer, Florida International University

Photo Credit: mangostock/Shutterstock

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42.1 Eli Finkel on Romantic Relationships

This video looks at information and advice that couple therapists use when treating people in long-term romantic relationships. In the video, you will see relationship psychologist Eli Finkel discuss several key problems that challenge intimacy, communication, and sexual attraction over the course of a long-term relationship. Finkel offers advice for overcoming these obstacles.

Eli Finkel on Romantic Relationships

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ELI FINKEL: One of the unfortunate truths about long-term relationships—say, marriage, for example—is that it is very difficult to sustain the sexual fire, the romantic passion for each other.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm Eli Finkel. I am a professor at Northwestern University in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. We want our spouse usually to be our primary source of emotional support. So I want to be able to come to you when I'm most vulnerable, when I'm most pathetic and weak and hurt. And I want you to support me. And that's great. It's one of the great things that we can get out of a meaningful marriage. The problem is, it's not particularly hot, right? Like when I'm coming to you with my tail between my legs and just feeling weak and defeated by the world, you're probably not thinking how desirable I am. You're thinking of how much you want to nurture me in the way we might nurture a young child.

On the other hand, when we want to have sexual passion in the relationship, there's another way that we like to connect with each other. So there's this interesting juxtaposition of we want to have a respectful, loving, warm, nurturing sort of connection. But we also want a little bit of naughtiness and impropriety. And reconciling those two things is difficult.

But it isn't impossible. There has been some excellent research coming out over the last decade that looks at the importance of engaging in novel and exciting activities together. A lot of us default to engaging in uncomfortable sorts of activities together—sitting on the couch and watching some nice television, for example. And that's good for the relationship too, especially if you're having some communication while you're watching. That tends to increase the amount of satisfaction and connection we feel in the relationship. But it doesn't tend to increase how much fire and passion we have in the relationship.

What does that is engaging in novel, that is new and exciting sorts of activities that we haven't tried before. Examples might include ballroom dancing, going hiking. One person in one of the couples listed shucking oysters for the first time. But things that get you out of the mundane reality of everyday life, this is one of the most promising recipes for helping to sustain a sense of fire and passion for the partner.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

42.2 Check Your Understanding

Question 42.1

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Correct!
Incorrect.

Question 42.2

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Correct!
Incorrect.

Question 42.3

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
Correct!
Incorrect.

Question 42.4

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Correct!
Incorrect.

42.3 Activity Completed!

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