Table 6.2 Steps to Avoid Defensive Listening

Table 6.2 Steps to Avoid Defensive Listening
Tip	Example
Hear the speaker out	Don’t rush into an argument without knowing the other person’s position. Wait for the speaker to finish before constructing your own arguments.
Consider the speaker’s motivations	Think of the speaker’s reasons for saying what is being said. The person may be tired, ill, or frustrated. Don’t take it personally.
Use nonverbal communication	Take a deep breath and smile slightly (but sincerely) at the speaker. Your disarming behavior may be enough to force the speaker to speak more reasonably.
Provide calm feedback	After the speaker finishes, repeat what you think was said and ask if you understood the message correctly. Often a speaker on the offensive will back away from an aggressive stance when confronted with an attempt at understanding.

Source: Wheeless (1975). Adapted with permission.