comm_and_you

Touch

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Touch is the first communication we experience in life. A newborn baby is soothed in the arms of her parents; she begins learning about herself and others while reaching out to explore her environment. The study of touch is termed haptics. We hug our loved ones in happy and sad times, we reassure others with a pat on the back, and we experience intimacy with the caress of a spouse.

There are as many different types of touches as there are thoughts about and reactions to being touched. Scholar Richard Heslin’s (1974) intimacy continuum provides insights into how our use of touch reflects our relationship with a communication partner:

Functional-professional touch is used to perform a job. How would your dentist perform your root canal if he or she didn’t touch you?
Social-polite touch is often a polite acknowledgment of the other person, such as a handshake.
Friendship-warmth touch conveys liking and affection between people who know each other well. Examples might be hugging your friends or offering your brother a pat on the back.
Love-intimacy touch is used by romantic partners, parents and children, and even very close friends and family members. Examples include kissing (whether on the mouth or on the cheek), embracing, and caressing.
Sexual-arousal touch is an intense form of touch that plays an important part in sexual relationships. It often reveals intimacy—as between spouses or romantic partners—but is also used in nonintimate sexual relationships.

Another classification system for touch distinguishes among a dozen different kinds of body contact (Morris, 1977). Table 5.2 illustrates these types of contact in connection with Heslin’s intimacy continuum.

Table 5.2 How People Touch
Type of Contact	Purpose	Intimacy Type
Handshake	Forming relational ties	Social-polite
Body guide	A substitute for pointing	Social-polite
Pat	A congratulatory gesture but sometimes meant as a condescending or sexual one	Social-polite or sexual-arousal
Arm link	Used for support or to indicate a close relationship	Friendship-warmth
Shoulder embrace	Signifies friendship; can also signify romantic connectiveness	Friendship-warmth
Full embrace	Shows emotional response or relational closeness	Friendship-warmth
Hand in hand	Equality in an adult relationship	Friendship-warmth
Mock attack	An aggressive behavior performed in a nonaggressive manner, such as a pinch meant to convey playfulness	Friendship-warmth
Waist embrace	Indicates intimacy	Love-intimacy
Kiss	Signals a degree of closeness or the desire for closeness	Love-intimacy or sexual-arousal
Caress	Normally used by romantic partners; signals intimacy	Love-intimacy or sexual-arousal
Body support	Touching used as physical support	Love-intimacy

Clearly, touch powerfully affects our relationships. In fact, it is one factor related to liking and sustaining liking in healthy marriages (Hinkle, 1999). Our reassuring touch also lets our friends know that we care and serves to regulate social interactions, as when beginning or ending an interaction with a handshake. However, not all touch is positive. Bullying behaviors like kicking, punching, hitting, and poking are inappropriate forms of touch, unless inside a boxing ring.

Gauging the appropriate amount of touch for a given situation or relationship is also critical for communication. For example, dating partners usually expect touch, but someone who wants “too much” (such as constant hand-holding) can be perceived as needy or clingy. Withholding touch communicates a message of disinterest or even dislike, which can damage a relationship, whether with a friend, a romantic partner, or a colleague. Obviously, it’s important to adjust touch to individual expectations and needs (and culture, as we explain later in the chapter).

Culture and You

Are you accustomed to touches from strangers or colleagues? Does it depend on the situation? How do you think your upbringing or co-cultures explain your feelings about touch communication?