Strategic Topic Avoidance

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Certain topics are simply too sensitive for some people to confront openly. One or both relational partners can use strategic topic avoidance to maneuver the conversation away from potentially embarrassing, vulnerable, or otherwise undesirable topics (Dailey & Palomares, 2004). As we touched on in our discussion of communication privacy management, there are also topics we avoid because we are culturally trained to do so. For example, prior relationships, negative information, dating experiences, money issues, and sexual experiences are largely considered inappropriate for public communication (Baxter & Wilmot, 1985; Dailey & Palomares, 2004; Guerrero & Afifi, 1995). So if a colleague at the office asks about the size of your recent bonus, you could say that it’s none of his business, but research shows that you’d be better off using a less direct avoidance tactic, such as keeping silent, deflecting, giving an unrelated response, lying, or simply ending the conversation (Dailey & Palomares, 2004).

Like other issues related to self-disclosure, there are ethical considerations regarding pursuing and avoiding topics. Is it appropriate for parents to disclose the private details of their impending divorce to their children? They may mean well (for example, they may want to reduce uncertainty for their children), but they may use such strategies unethically (such as if each parent offers his or her own side of the story in order to be viewed in a better light). In addition, adolescent children may suffer emotionally and view the disclosures as inappropriate (Afifi, McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker, 2007). Every relationship is unique, and as we have discussed, relational partners may experience different degrees of comfort with self-disclosure at various points.

Research into strategic topic avoidance illustrates both benefits and detriments. Most people in healthy relationships, for example, report that topic avoidance seems to work best when partners are sensitive to each other’s concerns and when accommodating strategies are used (Dailey & Palomares, 2004). In other words, the divorcing parents’ relationships with their children might remain positive if they allow the kids to bring up the divorce in their own time. You may find that some of your relational partners are more comfortable disclosing personal history, especially about sensitive issues such as childhood abuse, money, or health problems, at a slow rate.