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Reconciliation

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Is there any hope for a terminated relationship? Soap operas and sitcoms say so—but it’s true in real life as well. Reconciliation is a repair strategy for rekindling an extinguished relationship. Attempting reconciliation entails a lot of risk—one partner might find that the other partner is not interested, or both partners might find that the problems that pushed them apart remain or have intensified. But research reveals that there are a few tactics that can help the partners mend the relationship (O’Hair & Krayer, 1987; Patterson & O’Hair, 1992):

Spontaneous development. The partners wind up spending more time together. Perhaps a divorced couple is involved in their son’s school or two ex-friends find themselves helping a mutual friend.
Third-party mediation. The partners have a friend or family member mediate the reconciliation.
High affect. The partners resolve to be nice and polite to one another and possibly remind each other of what they found attractive about the other in the first place.
Tacit persistence. One or both partners refuse to give up on the relationship.
Mutual interaction. The partners begin talking more often following the dissolution, perhaps remaining friends after their breakup.
Avoidance. The partners avoid spending time together and begin to miss each other.

If you think about couples in popular culture who have broken up and gotten back together—Ross and Rachel on Friends, for instance—you can clearly see some of these strategies at work.

THINGS TO TRY

In small groups in your class, discuss how popular culture and films portray interpersonal relationships, particularly relationship stages. Discuss communication techniques that the characters might have used to produce different relationship outcomes. Analyze how accurately the communication behaviors of the characters reflect real-life communication episodes.

LearningCurve

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