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Attitudes Toward Conflict

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Certain attitudes about conflict in general (for instance, “Conflict is always bad”) or about specific disagreements can cause people to avoid dealing with it. For example, you might steer clear of conflict for any of the following reasons:

You don’t consider the particular disagreement important enough to merit discussion.
You dislike arguing or debating issues.
You fear that openly acknowledging and talking about a disagreement will destroy the relationship.
You don’t believe that the current time or place is appropriate for talking about a particular disagreement.

Another reason that some people avoid dealing with conflict is that they’re reluctant to discuss certain topics with particular people, a behavior known as communication boundary management (Petronio, 2000). For instance, you might be unwilling to discuss your spouse’s annoying habits with your brother, who is feeling anxious and upset about the fact that he hasn’t been able to find a relationship since his divorce. Why? Because you not only want to be considerate of your brother but also want to prevent him from becoming more distant from you if he perceives you as insensitive or petty.