Challenging Strategies

Page 181

If Leslie decides that she wants the pie more than she wants to avoid fighting with Kathy, she might demand the entire piece for herself, at her sister’s expense. Such challenging strategies promote the objectives of the individual who uses them, rather than the desires of the other person or the relationship. Challenging strategies are often referred to as assertiveness. Assertive people are generally effective at handling conflicts because they don’t let negative emotions like anxiety, guilt, or embarrassment get in the way and they stand up for what they believe is right.

Challenging strategies may or may not strengthen the relationship of the people involved, depending on the situational context and how the strategy is employed. For example, if Leslie becomes aggressive with Kathy and rudely demands the last slice of pie, she’s probably not doing much to be considerate of her sister or to strengthen their bond. However, research does reveal that challenging others can sometimes have positive benefits. For example, Canary, Cunningham, and Cody (1988) found that people tend to employ challenging strategies when they feel the need to defend themselves from a perceived threat. So, you would rightly be assertive when the friend you came to a party with attempts to get behind the wheel of a vehicle after consuming alcohol. Drunk driving is a threat to your, your friend’s, and the public’s well-being.

In some relationships, challenging strategies are accepted as part of a relational context that is generally open and forgiving. To illustrate, perhaps Leslie and Kathy are so close and feel so confident of their love for one another that Leslie knows a moment of selfish behavior on her part will be overlooked or forgiven by Kathy (and vice versa). Conversely, if the relationship is not really valued, challenging strategies can enable individuals to get what they want without any consequential losses, since maintaining the relationship is not a priority.