Productive Conflict

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There is no greater intellectual exercise than exploring and testing ideas with another person.

Not all conflict is negative, though. In fact, conflict can be as valuable as it is inevitable! Conflict that is managed effectively is called productive conflict. We don’t always notice the conflicts that we handle productively, as when two people quickly reach a compromise over some issue on which they disagree (like whether to eat at the Olive Garden or Pizza Hut), without argument or confrontation. But productive conflict can also follow unproductive conflict, as when Lisa and Steven, fed up with debt and aware that their marriage was in jeopardy, began to confront and work on their financial and relationship problems, cutting their budgets and taking on additional work for more income. By addressing the problem collaboratively—facing the reality of their debt, agreeing on their financial priorities, setting a budget, and making decisions about money together—the couple began both resolving their financial problems and healing their relationship.

Productive conflict does not necessarily mean a successful resolution of conflict, but even without resolution, productive conflict can still benefit both parties. Let’s look at a few examples.

Productive Conflict Fosters Healthy Debate. To believe that conflict can be productive rather than destructive, you have to actively engage in it. There is no greater intellectual exercise than exploring and testing ideas with another person. And like a sport, it can get competitive, as evidenced by the popularity of debate teams in schools and the media fanfare surrounding political debates during major elections. In fact, active and lively debate allows us to exchange ideas, evaluate the merits of one another’s claims, and continually refine and clarify each other’s thinking about the issue under discussion; debates on the floors of Congress, for example, allow representatives to go on record with their opinions on bills being considered and to try to persuade their colleagues to consider their positions. When government leaders fail to engage in such debates—when they evade questions or block a bill from going to debate on the floor of the legislature—they are formally engaging in the same kind of unproductive conflict avoidance that individuals use when they refuse to discuss difficult subjects. Conflict and healthy debate can also be a useful part of everyday life, as when a couple discusses and evaluates the pros and cons of buying a new car.

Productive Conflict Leads to Better Decision Making.Healthy debate serves a real purpose in that it helps individuals and groups make smarter decisions. By skillfully working through conflicting ideas about how to solve a problem or reach a goal, we identify the best courses of action. That’s because a productive conflict provides an arena in which we can test the soundness of proposed ideas. Suggested solutions that are logical and feasible will stand up to scrutiny during the decision-making process, whereas weaker solutions are likely to be exposed as flawed. So by engaging in productive discussion about your conflict, the real costs and impact of, say, a new hybrid car are revealed, and you are able to come up with a workable solution: you will continue driving the old car while sacrificing this year’s vacation and dinners out to put an additional $350 every month into a special savings account toward the purchase of a secondhand hybrid car in one year.

Productive Conflict Spurs Relationship Growth. Differences of opinion and clashing goals are inevitable in any relationship. And that can be part of what keeps our relationships fun and interesting! But it’s how the partners handle the disagreements that arise that determines whether their bond will grow stronger. As two individuals—be they romantic partners, friends, roommates, or colleagues—work through their disagreements productively, they build on the relationship (Dainton & Gross, 2008). To paraphrase the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, that which does not kill a relationship can indeed make it stronger.